Day 27- What's the Best Thing Going for You Right Now?

The best thing that's going for me right now.... oh jeez. I have a lot of good things going on in my life: my son Truman, my close circle of friends, and my determination to get my life back on track (with school and a great job). I'd have to say what the BEST thing is right now is... my blog.



When I was in first grade,  I discovered my talent for storytelling. I was able to clearly express what was on my mind, whether I was presenting it orally or by writing it down on paper. One of my first real accomplishments was in the second grade. One of my short stories was featured in the school district's annual Young Writer's Conference. It made me happy that my story was published in the book.

My writing progressed through my grade school years, leading all the way through high school. When I was a freshman, my English teacher recommended me to the yearbook advisor to join the staff the following school year. I had never given it much thought, but once the idea was presented to me, I knew that's what I wanted to do. By the end of that school year, I had already decided that journalism was going to be my major in college.



When I was in college from 2002-2004, I had taken several classes that were writing intensive, including a Film as Literature class. The class consisted of watching movies and writing papers about them. Yes, this was the perfect class for me. It helped me realize that I could combine both passions for writing and movies into a career, like a movie columnist. Well, as life goes, I had a few curve balls thrown at me that veered me away from achieving my goals. As I have mentioned before, I am working toward getting my life back that direction.

Back in July, I had noticed a few of my friends with their own blogs. Each of them had a unique voice and after mulling over the idea for 48 hours, I found myself setting up my own blog. Wow... this is something that I should have started doing years ago! I'm glad I did it though. I am amazed at how many blogs I have written in the past four months... and how many more I have to come.  It has already opened my creativity back up, and (hopefully) soon, I will be writing my first novel and hoping that it gets published someday. My blog has helped me rediscover myself more than anything else that I've done in the past three years, especially this 30 Days of Truth blog challenge. I hope that someday, someone out there will notice my voice and possibly lead me toward achieving some of my goals. Yea, that would be awesome :-)

Day 26- Have You Ever Thought About Giving Up on Life? If So, When and Why?

Life can throw a lot of unexpected things at you. Life can also give you choices on what to do in certain situations. When it comes down to it, you as a person are the only one to make these decisions. Sometimes it's hard to do... especially when life throws you stressful situations or bad experiences. I have had to make some really difficult decisions in my life, but in the end I felt that I made the right ones and moved forward with my life.

Now, this blog topic is asking if I ever thought about giving up on life. No, I have never done that. There are way too may people and things that I care about to throw in the towel. However... I have imagined the "what if's" and came up with a very plausible scenario.



If I was still married to Brian, I could see that I would fall into a deep depression. The longer I would stay with him, the deeper it would get. I wouldn't feel motivated to do anything. I would slack off at work and eventually get fired, then not even attempt to look for a new job. I would stop trying to fight with Brian; I would lose the motivation to get fired up over an argument. The only things I would do during the day would be to either sit on a couch and sort of watch television or to just lay in bed all day. This would not be a good atmosphere for my son. My family and friends would try to help me out, but I would avoid them and reject their advice. I would cry a lot.

Then, I would think of ways to end all my pain, my suffering. But how??? Would I fill up the tub and use a razor on my wrists? Would I drink a bunch of alcohol and swallow whatever pills I could have access to? Would I take a knife to my heart? Would I even succeed in doing this???



It's a very scary thought that, given time, it could have happened. It's something that once you do it, you don't get to go back and change things. It's permanent. I may not be alive right now. My family could be completely torn apart. A lot of my friends would be in complete shock that I was the type of person to do that to myself.

Writing this blog made me a little sick to my stomach, especially when imagining the amount of pain I would be in if I cut my wrists. Life is way too precious to lose.... which is why I am happy that I appreciate life too much to consider the "easy way out."

Day 25- The Reason You Believe You're Still Alive Today

I intend to live forever... so far, so good. Okay, I know I won't live forever... that's the sucky part about not having Greek Gods for parents. I just have to deal with mortality. *shrugs*

All joking aside, I am definately alive and kicking. I mean, I've been in a couple car accidents and walked away with some bumps and bruises. I'm not some thrill seeking daredevil that puts my life at risk for an adrenaline rush nor am I an extra cautious person that doesn't take a chance at anything exciting at life. I've been through some serious trials in life... and I couldn't have done it without certain people.

1. My Family: I can pinpoint my optimistic personality to the environment that I was raised. My family (parents, grandparents, and extended family) showed my sister and I tons of happiness. Other than when a family member passed away, I do not recall any sadness, hurt, anger, or tragedy growing up. I'm not saying those things didn't exist; I just believe that my family was very good at protecting my sister, cousins, and myself from harmful exposure.

When I was a teenager and in my twenties, my family, especially my parents, were there for me in my darkest times. My parents let my ex-husband and myself live with them for a while, rent free, to help us out with our debt. Then, when I left Brian, my son and I immediately had a home and the support we needed at that time, not to mention that they basically paid for my divorce. My family is very important to me and I know they will continue to support me in the future.

2. My Friends: What would I do without my friends? We've grown up together, experienced a lot of life's trials and tribulations, and for some of us, moved onto marriage and families. My closest girlfriends, Maria, Katrina, Jaymie, and Robin, have all been there for me, and I felt like I almost lost them all as friends when I was with my ex-husband. They all, in their own ways, tried to get me to see Brian for who he was and I wasn't listening. They stayed with me though, and were some of the first people to know when I made that choice to leave him.

My closest guy friends, Matt, TJ, Ben, Doug, and Patrick, have all contributed in their own ways to be considered some of my closest friends (all whom I knew before Brian and I have reconnected with all of them through Facebook.. except Ben. He and I always stayed connected). I am also happy that I have spent time with each of them this year, and enjoyed the company with all of them!

Then, there's my best friend, Brandon. He is the one person that helped me the most in getting myself back to the cheery, optimistic, geeky person that I am. He and I have logged hundreds of hours talking online about everything, which helped strengthen our bond tenfold in the past three years. He and I can talk about anything and everything and look out for each other, and I love that about us. Love ya Brandon :-)

3. My Son: Having a child has, in part, helped me see my life in a new way. Watching Truman accomplish certain rites of passage in his life remind me of my childhood. Whenever he accomplishes something, I can't help but smile. It's also scary, in a good way, how much he is just like me. I have mentioned in previous blogs about what Truman and I went through in my marriage to his father. If Truman wasn't in my life when all of that was going on, who knows where I would be today... or if I would even be alive?? I am happy to be his mother and cannot wait to be there for him in the future, no matter what life decides to throw at us.

4. Myself: This one is the most important. I CHOOSE to be alive for all the reasons listed above, and then some. There are so many good things out there in the world that I want to experience... and that's hard to do if you are dead. I have too many things I am passionate about. I want to live life to the fullest and am driven to live until my body breaks down of old age (even when I get there, I'm still going to be determined as hell to be as active as I can, with a variety of activities). Here's hoping for a long, happy, fulfilled life!!!

Day 24- Make a Playlist to Someone and Explain Why You Chose All the Songs

To anyone who was recently heartbroken,



I know you are an emotional mess right now, and you have every right to be. Your friends are going to try to cheer you up, say you are better off without the person you are no longer attached to, and push you to get out in the dating world before you are ready. I would like to offer you something when you are having those moments of solitude.

Music is a great source of therapy. Finding the right songs to help you through the many phases post-breakup will make you feel better as time goes on. I have compiled a playlist just for you to enjoy, no matter how you are feeling about your ex. Some of these songs you may feel belong in a different category, which might be true. I just know that's where I would personally place them, but feel free to arrange this for your personal listening pleasure.

The "Sad" Breakup Songs:
1. Poison "Every Rose Has It's Thorns"
2. Boyz II Men "End of the Road"
3. No Doubt "Don't Speak"
4. Lady Antebellum "Need You Now"

The "Angry" Breakup Songs:
5. Kelly Clarkson "My December"
6. Limp Bizkit "Nookie"
7. Puddle of Mudd "She Hates Me"
8. Alanis Morissette "You Oughta Know"
9. Eamon "(Fuck It) I Don't Want You Back"
10. Cee Lo Green "Fuck You"

The "I Have No Sympathy For You" Songs:
11. Carrie Underwood "Before He Cheats"
12. Justin Timberlake "Cry Me a River"
13. Bon Jovi "You Give Love a Bad Name"
14. All American Rejects "Gives You Hell"
15. Backstreet Boys "Don't Want You Back"
16. Beyonce "Irreplaceable"
17. Justin Timberlake "What Goes Around Comes Around"

The "I'm Over You and Moving On" Songs:
18. Pink "So What"
19. Kelly Clarkson "Since You've Been Gone"
20. Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow "Picture"
21. Christina Aguilera "Fighter"
22. Britney Spears "Stronger"

Now, I know it will take some time to get over your ex, but at least you know exactly what you need to listen to to help you out. I hope this helps give you a little bit of closure, maybe even introduce you to a few new songs. Oh, and if you need anything (a hug, more song suggestions, a place where you can go to break stuff), please don't hesitate to ask. I am pretty resourceful.

Take care of yourself,

Casey Leigh  :^D

Day 23- Something You Wish You Had Done with Your Life

Having just turned 27 a few days ago, I've been reflecting on what I've done with my life. There are so many things that I thought I would have done by now: graduated college, started my adult career, and be a homeowner. Those things I can still do, and plan to, but there is something that I should have done years ago.

I wish that I would have taken a year off between high school and college.

You see, my first year of college was dismal. I was burned out from high school and I wasn't putting in the effort. I failed a few classes and was close to failing others. I prioritized social activities over everything else, especially my first semester. Being in St. Louis on my own was extremely exciting; I couldn't help but getting out to Cardinals games, Union Station, and the unforgettable Halloween Masquerade party inside one of the haunted houses. Then, when I came back home to KC, I was hanging out with my friends. I actually did better that semester, but I should have made the effort since I was paying them for my education.

If I had taken that year off, I would have done a couple things. First, I would have spent a half year working at a job and saving most of the money in a bank account. Then, I would have planned out an amazing vacation where I would have traveled to several places. I would have either stayed in the United States and visited all the major cities that I wanted to go to or I would have flown over to Europe and traveled through many countries. Just writing about this makes me want to do this now, but since I have a kid to take care of, I would probably only be able to do a vacation for a week (maybe two if I am lucky).

I think taking that year off would have significantly changed my attitude toward college and improved my grades. I may even already be a college graduate by now. It's a good thing that I'm still young and extremely goal-oriented so I can get back on track. Then, I could celebrate that with the big vacation I should have taken 8 years ago.

Day 22- Something You Wish You Hadn't Done in Your Life

When I graduated high school and picked up my diploma (after the awesome graduation party), I remember that we received several other documents, including a Consumer Fraud pamphlet from Jay Nixon. I kept it, but never read it. This was highly stupid of me.

About 18 months after I graduated, I was dating Brian and somehow he convinced me that we should go to a few auto dealerships and try to take a loan out for a vehicle for me. First, it was for a red Mustang. Denied. Then to the local Dodge dealership for a 2003 Neon. We spent FIVE hours waiting to hear that we were approved, and it was through second chance financing. The following week, after my Dad intervenes and gets the loan moved over to our credit union (and with a significantly lower interest rate), I find out that my credit had been run by 13 different banks before it was approved.



That's only the beginning. After the car, Brian and I got a Best Buy credit card, which came with a MasterCard. I realized that we could get lots of cool stuff and make payments. So then I had an Old Navy card, and then my Visa (which I had since high school but never used) made it's way to becoming maxed out. Then a loan from my bank for deposits for an apartment for him and I. It only took a couple months for me to realize that there was no way I could make all the minimum payments, plus the car payment, and other expenses with our incomes combined.

I had put myself into credit card debt. I say myself because it was my credit that was run for everything; Brian's credit was already bad. So who's responsible for paying of the debt? Me. However, when going through the divorce, it was stated that Brian was to assume responsibility for all debt occurred during our 4 1/2 year relationship. Of course, Brian hasn't done anything about it. But, with the wonderful returns I have been getting when filing taxes, I have been paying off those debts. I only have the Best Buy credit card left to pay off before I am debt free. However, my credit still sucks.

Now I wish that I had read that pamphlet from high school and I would have asked my Dad about credit cards before I got into that cluster fuck of a mess. I could actually have money saved up toward a new car or something with all the money I've had to invest in to keep myself out of financial trouble. If I could give anyone advice about debt... the more you know about how to prevent it, the better off you will be for the rest of your life.

Day 21- Your Best Friend is In a Car Accident. You Two Got in a Fight the Hour Before. What Do You Do?

Let me paint you a mental picture...

Brandon and I are chatting online, as usual (we would be hanging out in person if we didn't live 5 hours away from each other). Let's say we are talking about dating and relationships and he says he wants to tell me he wants to take another chance with a female. I remind him about what happened with said female in the past and hope he knows what he wants to do. Then, he reluctantly says that he already did something. I get mad, yell at him and tell him that he's going down the same road again. Then I see he logs off. I assume he just wants to let off some steam since our conversation turned hostile.

An hour goes by and I get a phone call from an Arkansas area code. Hmm... he's not calling from his cell. Nope, it's not Brandon. It's his mom telling me that he was in a car accident and that Brandon is in the hospital.

Crap.

I tell her to tell Brandon that I am headed down there as soon as possible. I talk to my parents and tell them that I need to go and will make it back in a day, maybe two. So I make the drive down to see him. I stay with him in the hospital and only leave his side when I need to get something to eat. I completely forget about the fight... all I care about is that he's going to be fine and that he has me to be there for him, because that's what best friends do!

Bring on the Thanksgiving Traditions... Pop Culture Style

Oh, Thanksgiving... the holiday that gathers family together to stuff their faces with home cooked food... also the holiday that lives in Christmas's shadow. With all the Christmas hoopla out there, Thanksgiving doesn't stand a chance to get the exposure that it deserves. I have decided to come up with a list of television shows that help promote this holiday, all in their own unique ways. For your reading (and viewing) pleasure... here are my favorite Thanksgiving moments.



Adam Sandler's Thanksgiving Song



As much as I enjoy his Hanukkah songs, I was very pleased with his take on Turkey Day. The song always puts a smile on my face and makes me laugh. If you find yourself in a situation this Thanksgiving where you are in the middle of family bickering, run to the nearest CD player/DVD player/Mp3 player and blast this song. It will change the mood significantly!


A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving



When I was about 6 or 7, I dreamed that I would have a Thanksgiving dinner like this: with my friends, with a unique assortment of food, and eating on a ping pong table. I would go for eating outdoors, but being a resident of the Midwest, it's generally cold on Turkey Day. I can save myself  from getting sick by staying indoors.

Friends- Thanksgiving Episodes





Friends had so many great Thanksgiving Episodes. I would like to post clips from all of them, but since a lot of the clips are restricted from embedding I have to make do with what I can. My absolute favorite Thanksgiving scene is when everyone is at Monica and Chandler's apartment, with Monica and Ross' parents, and the dinner leads to a huge revelation of information, like how Rachel wasn't supposed to put meat in the trifle, and Monica and Chandler were living together. After the burst out, Mrs. Gellar replies with "That's a lot of information to get in 30 seconds." Moments like that on the show were always a favorite to me (which I will blog about my favorite moments/episodes from Friends someday soon).

Roseanne- Thanksgiving episodes



Roseanne was big with scenes at the dinner table. I always thought that was very cool that no matter what happened to them on a day to day basis, they would all make a point to sit together at mealtime. The Thanksgiving dinners were never a disappointment, especially with the clip that I posted. Revealing lifestyle choices have seem to become a new found Thanksgiving tradition, and this episode honed in on that. I don't think Roseanne could have responded any better than she did to her mother.

Grey's Anatomy Thanksgiving Episodes



Treating Thanksgiving dinner like a surgical procedure... EPIC!!! I loved the chaotic feel to this episode: Izzie and Burke cooking for everyone, but not knowing who will all show up, Christina's restlessness that drives her back to working at the hospital, and how, in the end, basically everyone shows up to enjoy the meal. It just goes to show that even the busiest of professions can still find time to get together and celebrate the holiday.

Now that you're read/watched this... you are craving turkey, aren't you??? I know I am!!!

Day 20- Your Views on Drugs and Alcohol

I remember doing the D.A.R.E. program in elementary school and junior high. I was proud to wear my black t-shirt and participate in all the activities to promote against using drugs and alcohol. Oh, how times have changed.... LOL



No, I'm not a druggie or a boozer. I'm just a human being that has, through self-education and personal experience, have made proper judgements toward using drugs and alcohol. As much of an experimental person that I am, I do have my limits... and those limits are definitely in the drug category.

Alcohol:
I'll admit it, I am a fan. Domestic beers, mixed fruity drinks, malt liquors, wine, and hard liquors... I have my favorites in all of those categories. Most of the time, I drink when in social situations, but there is the occasional time where I order a drink or two with dinner or just have a glass of wine while sitting out on the back deck enjoying the weather. I do not drink to get drunk. To me that's just not appealing. However, if I am playing drinking games and it involves hard liquor, I either stop and switch to water or decide not to drive home. As long as people know what their limit is and they don't try to drive or something else while under the influence that could get themselves hurt or killed, then I don't see anything wrong with it. It would also be a little hypocritical of me to work at a bar and grille if I thought alcohol was the worst thing in the world.

Marijuana:
I've always been curious to trying marijuana, and I've done it a few times (and pretty recently, but I don't necessarily want to admit the details on that, lol). I've hit off a bong and I've smoked blunts (and yes, I inhaled... no Bill Clinton syndrome here). I know how it feels to be high off of marijuana. I also remember learning in D.A.R.E. that marijuana is the "gateway" drug that leads you to trying others. Yea, that's bullshit. I also have been educating myself on the legalization of marijuana (which I fully support). I see how it helps out people with medical ailments, especially to cancer patients who have little to no appetite. Oh, and smoking weed is a HELL of a lot healthier than smoking cigarettes (and there are no addictive substances).

Cocaine/Crack: My only interest in this is watching the movie Blow.



Heroin: I can't think of this without referring to the scene in Pulp Fiction where she mistakes it for cocaine. Other than the enjoyment of watching this in the movie, I am not interested.

Meth: I've had a couple close friends use it. They had some interesting stories... and I'm definitely not interested in trying it.

Shrooms: Not Interested, but I had a friend use them occasionally in college.

PCP: Not Interested

Acid: Not Interested

LSD: Not Interested

Ecstacy: This one I am on the fence about. It might be fun to try, but I don't think I ever will *Shrugs*

Caffeine: My body is a little dependent on it from time to time.... and I don't feel guilty at all because it's LEGAL!!!!

Other Drugs That I Can't Think of: Not Interested

So, there's my views on drugs and alcohol. I told you I wasn't a druggie or alcohol abuser!!!   :-P


Wait....



Is chocolate a drug??? That one can be a problem for me, hehe....

Day 19- What Do You Think of Religion? or Politics?

I'm not going to talk about religion. I already did that, remember??? If you didn't, here's the link.

*rubs hands together*

This is all about politics! Funny how I have blogged about the two subjects that are considered no-no's in social situations. What can I say??? I love the controversy! I consider myself a Moderate, leaning toward the Liberal side. No, I don't have mixed feelings on issues, I just happen to have viewpoints that fall on both ends of the political spectrum.



When I was 20, I took an American National Politics class at Longview. One of the activities we did was to take a test to see where we stood politically. It asked all kinds of questions, from viewpoints on the death penalty, taxes, gun control, and abortion, among others. After tallying up the results, I noticed I had an even number of conservative and liberal answers. So I was literally a moderate.

Since I took that class (and received an A... go me!), I have been a lot more active in educating myself on issues. Some of the issues that really peaked my interest include the legalization of marijuana, Proposition 8 (gay marriage in California), and Senate Bill 586 (Missouri Strip Club Laws). I found myself spending hours researching them on the Internet and thinking about how they would affect businesses, people, and the economy.

The one I was most passionate about was Senate Bill 586. Matt Bartle (R) decided to present a bill that placed a lot of limits to the adult entertainment industry. It passed this summer, and has greatly impacted the industry... and not in a good way. I don't mind the fact that such businesses are not allowed to be within 1,000 feet of certain businesses, like schools and residential areas. What bothers me is the fact that those facilities can no longer have alcohol, the dancers in the strip clubs cannot strip down any less than wearing a bikini, and that some businesses are losing a lot of money due to the fact that they have to be closed by midnight. This is virtually killing off a lot of business in the state. I predict that all of the bordering states of Missouri (and yes there's 8 of them) will profit off this. We will see a lot of residents crossing state lines to be entertained from time to time. Needless to say, I do not support this law at all. I'm keeping an eye on it because there are already lawsuits from strip club owners and employees.

I personally believe that everyone should attempt to get involved in politics. I'm not saying to the extreme, but just enough that you understand what issues are affecting your community, your state, and nationally. There's nothing wrong with that... you just may learn new things and prevent yourself from doing something that may cost you later. Knowledge is power, people! Educate yourself!!!