Exercise? Yes Please! Motivation? Where the Hell Are You?

I love the fact that I'm not a skinny, beanpole girl. I'm proud to have curves. But, I also dont like that there are areas of my body that I just cringe at when looking in the mirror (my upper arms, my stomach, and my upper thighs). I want to do something about it, moreso in the past two years. The problem is, I have no motivation to exercise on a regular basis and it pisses me off at times. Now that I think about it, being pissed off and not actively trying to change that is passive agressive behavior (something I unfortunately have been doing a lot lately... grrr).

I have yet to lose the weight I gained when I was pregnant with Truman six years ago (33 pounds, in case you were curious). Part of that has to do with the fact that food was a comfort to me when I was in my marriage to Brian. No, I wasn't binge eating (based on what my friend Tiffany wrote on her blog, I have never done that in my life), but I was eating all the wrong foods (sweets, lots of soda, fried foods, and a lot of fast food). It is very easy to fall into that kind of eating habits, especially when you are on the go and just want something that's quick to make and eat.

2008 was a very crazy year for my family. My dad had his unexpected bypass surgery that May, as well as finding out that he is diabetic. Both of those things can be affected by weight. I noted that I could be a borderline diabetic and must start taking action... and didn't. Then, in October, my Mom had her gall bladder removed. Another thing affected by diet, but also can be hereditary (my aunt had hers removed and my grandma may have to get rid of her's soon). I remember looking at my cousin Katy and saying "We could be next" in a half-joking, half-serious manner. Again, I didn't do anything about taking care of myself.

That Christmas brought the Nintendo Wii. Sweet! A video game system that makes you physically active at the same time! Yep! I am sure to easily lose some weight doing this. Um... no. I dont break a sweat bowling, or playing Guitar Hero. Fail.

I'm not going to talk about 2009 at all, except that when my sister got engaged, that made me think that I have plenty of time to lose weight and look good for the wedding.

New Year's 2010... I made a resolution to get more agressive with exercising and be more aware of the food I was eating. So in January, I got out Billy Bank's Tae Bo workout videotape (yes, you heard me correct, VHS not DVD) and starting doing it everyday. That lasted about a week and a half. In April, Mom send me to Target to get Just Dance for the Wii. For those who aren't familiar with it, Just Dance is a game where you learn the dance moves to a variety of songs. I really enjoy playing this. By the time I'm on the 3rd song, I'm breaking into a sweat. By the 5th or 6th song, I am done. That's about a 20-25 minute workout. The problem is, I don't do it regularly.

Back in late-July, I decided to do something that I never imagined I would resort to... Hydroxycut. I took them twice a day, as said on the bottle. I converted to drinking mostly water, with the random glass of milk or juice. I combined that with doing Just Dance workouts. I felt them working. It was curbing my appetite, I wasn't eating nearly as much as I normally did, and I had energy.

Three weeks later, I stopped taking the pills. I thought I could try without and see if I can keep up with the routine. Slowly, I was back where I started.

Last week, I weighed myself for the first time in years (228.8 pounds). I realized that I am at the heaviest I have been in my life. Two days ago, I did it again and realized I lost almost 3 pounds (225.6)... without exercising and without watching what I have been eating. You want to know my secret??? My job requires me to do a lot of walking. I get paid to give customers their food AND get an unexpected workout 4-5 days a week! I just have to watch out for snacking on fries and tortilla chips while waiting for orders to be ready.

Now, I mentioned my sister's engagement. Her wedding is in 13 days and my goal was to lose 60 pounds over the past year. I wanted to go into the bridal shop and be able to get my bridesmaid's dress taken in a lot due to my impressive exercise regime. That plan shot to shit, but the few things I have attempted to do this year is more than I have ever done at any given time. So on that note, I am proud of myself for making those attempts, even if they were short lived.

Based on my height, experts say that 135-140 is an ideal weight. I don't want to be ideal so I set my goal to be about 150-155 lbs. As long as I get to keep my curves I will be happy.

Walks to parents bathroom and weighs myself

226.8 pounds

Dammit.

Oh well, it's a new week... I'll make it go down!