2011 And All It's New Experiences

Another year has come and gone... and 2011 had a lot in store for me. I had a lot of new things that I did over the past 365 days. Compared to the blog I wrote back in 2010, I did a lot more new things... and opened up to a lot of new experiences, socially. I hope you enjoy reading what I have done over the past year, because I certainly did!
January:
-Purchased a lottery ticket (I couldn't resist trying to win $355 million, even if I didn't win anything that night)
-Drank Irish Ale (Boulevard) in an Irish Pub (Kelly's in Westport)... my ancestors would be so proud of me!
-Wore a corset. It was black and hot pink, from Torrid (hotness) and I showed it off at the Rocky Horror Picture Show (with a lot of good reaction, hehe) :-)

February:
-Ate prime rib (courtesy of a coworker that mixed up 2 rib dinners with prime rib)

March:
-Had an article published by a Kansas City newspaper (It was for The Pitch and it was on their Wayward music blog)
-Ate gumbo (on Fat Tuesday... how appropriate, hehe)
-Attended a movie pre-screening (Kevin Smith's Red State- followed by a Q&A session)
-Went to a convention (Planet Comicon) featuring comic books, Star Wars, and other various geek stuff :-)
-Had a published article that included quotes from a local celebrity (radio personality Kelly Urich, for the Kansas City Pitch)

April:
-Witnessed a coworker get fired (yeah, that sucked)
-Performed in the shadow cast for the Fishnets and Floorshows production of the Rocky Horror Picture Show (as Magenta)

May:
-Visited an erotica house (I thought I was going to a birthday party for a friend, who did not specify to me what kind of house it was. For the record, this particular place wasn't actually that bad, meaning that it was very clean and comfortable- not dirty)

June:
-Started couponing when grocery shopping (I'm not talking about a coupon here or there, I mean combining sales and coupons to get mega deals with a small budget)
-Learned how to dance on a stripper pole (at Club Monaco for a friend's birthday party- with another friend teaching me some simple tricks)

July:
-Pushed for a promotion and earned it (from EXPO/food runner to server at a grill and bar)

August:
-Became a director (co-director) of a show/production- Kansas City's Fishnets and Floorshows (Rocky Horror Picture Show)

September:
-Attended a divorce party
-Had a (recent) ex-boyfriend become obsessive/stalker-like after a breakup, which led me to having to remove him from all social networking connections

October:
-Participated in a walk in support of a good cause- Zombie Walk for Hunger. Dressed as a zombie fairy.

November:
-Purchased tickets for a concert just hours before the event began (Yo Gabba Gabba! Live for my son and myself)
-Considered poly amorous relationships
-Gave a guy my phone number without having to be asked for it beforehand. :-)
-Ate Korean food (and it was on my birthday!)
-Bought a case of beer for myself (New Belgium Snow Day Ale... best winter/seasonal drink, in my opinion)

December:
-Fell in love with someone in less than two months (although we had been friends for over 14 years)


And... that pretty much sums up my year of new things. Happy New Year everyone!!!! I plan on having a great 2012 and I hope you guys look forward to a great year to come. :-D

A Blog Award? For Me?? Sweet.

So, my dear friend from high school, Aggy, has given me a blog award. The "Stylish Blog Award." How very exciting for me!!! In honor of this, I am supposed to show my appreciation by telling my readers seven things about myself.

**Hey... I've needed to write something personal about myself for a while now. Might as well take advantage! **

1. I have wanted to get a tattoo since I was about 16 years old. That's when I decided that I would get a panda (my favorite animal) but I haven't chosen the exact design that I want. Once I find one, I will wait at least six months to make sure that I can live with that decision. Then, I have no idea where I would want it. Near a shoulder blade? Maybe. One of my hips? Possibly. I'll figure it out someday, LOL

2. I have never, ever mowed the grass. My Dad always mows the lawn at home and my-ex husband did when we were married. Of the few times where I would have had to do it myself, someone seemed to have stepped up before I did. For example, after my Dad had bypass surgery, I was going to take care of the lawn. However, two of our neighbors took turns in taking care of it until my Dad started doing it again. I'm not against mowing the lawn, but maybe someday I will find myself behind the mower.

Oh, and sitting on my Grandpa's lap when I was a toddler doesn't count... even if the grass was actually getting cut when bonding with him :-)

3. I have been thinking about signing up for Burlesque classes. Being involved in The Rocky Horror Picture Show has introduced me to a lot of people involved in burlesque. Back in December, I talked with a woman who teaches Beginning Burlesque with the Kansas City Cabaret and expressed my interest in signing up. At the time, my work schedule prevented me from it, but since that is changing (and I will be making more money) I am going to see what I can be available to do.

I already have a stage name... Sunshine Daydream. :-)

4. I love having a lot of color in many aspects of my life. If you look in my closet or dresser, you will see a lot of color variety. If I go clothes shopping, I tend to look for colors I might be lacking. Earlier this year, I purchased a dark yellow tank top, hot pink panties, dark blue jeans, emerald green panties, Irish knee-high socks, a bright purple tank top, and two black work t-shirts... all because I was lacking those colors in my wardrobe (okay... a couple were more about necessity, but the color thing still applies, LOL).

5. I have painted my fingernails and toenails less than five times in my life. It's just one of those girly things that I never got into. When I did, they were always either dark colors (blue, purple) or one of those silver or gold accents.

6. I've started couponing. The main reason for doing so is not to hoard hundreds of sticks of deodorant or condiments, but to be able to save as much money as I can with a very small income. Since my hours were cut twice in June, I was down to having significantly low paychecks every two weeks. Using coupons, combining them with in-store sales, and investigating which stores allow double coupons have resulted in some pretty awesome deals for me. I've always been about saving money, but this really helps out when times get tough.

7. I really, really REALLY want to attend a gay wedding. I could even go as far as be part of the wedding party. With more states allowing gay marriage, I hope to see that trend continue so I can see some of my friends get the chance to celebrate the day in front of friends and family :-)

And now, to give shout outs to seven other blog writers that I feel are worth reading (in no particular order)...

1. My buddy Valorie, who was inspired to blog because of me (hey, she said it!) and has already written a great entry that combines hilarity with something we all can relate to.
2. TOAR aka Thoughts of a Randomista. She writes some blogs that are hilarious, others that get me thinking about my childhood and teen years, and can do a good serious minded blog. I never know what I'm going to find next on her blog.
3. Uncovering Pamela- a social network buddy/ fellow KC native that writes about the struggles of weight loss and of her life
4. Single Dad Laughing- a hilarious and heartwarming blog by a single father living in Utah (I have posted several of his entries on my Facebook from time to time)
5. Darnack, another social network buddy of mine that started blogging because of me. He's definitely a nerd and a gamer, and happily expresses those things through his writing.
6. Nicole Alicia, another Kansas City woman (like myself) who blogs about a lot of different things.
7. And, of course, Aggy herself, who not only was the reason behind this blog, but she is a brilliant writer and does great illustrations with her blog entries (not to mention I did a guest blog for her last month).

Dating... And All Its Awkwardness (My First Guest Blog)

A few weeks ago, my friend Aggy asked me to do a guest blog for her. After debating for a couple weeks, I was inspired to write about my dating experiences... at least the awkward ones. Here is the guest blog (minus Aggy's intro and her illustrations). Please enjoy this personal, yet extremely entertaining blog!!!

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First of all, let me introduce myself. My name is Casey and I have been a friend of Aggy's since junior high. We were involved in our high school newspaper together and have remained friends. I still live in Aggy's hometown and am appreciative of social networking sites that allow us to keep in touch and make witty and sarcastic comments on little things that happen in our day to day lives. Just like Aggy, I am a single mother.

I've been back in the dating world for about 3 years now (once my divorce was finalized) but haven't been actively dating until about last summer. I had forgotten how awkward dating can be. I've had some... interesting scenarios happen to me lately and I thought that I would give you guys a list of my recent awkward dating moments. And, believe me, they are awkward!

#5: Twitter-pated
I've had a Twitter account for about two years now. In the past several months, I have found a network of some really awesome Kansas City people. Well, there was one guy that found me through one of the KC peeps and we seemed to immediately catch onto each other's sense of humor. After several weeks, I finally gave him my number and we start texting. Then, on St. Patrick's Day, I invited him to hang out with me at my work.

Okay, has anyone experienced those times where you think you really like someone through the Internet, but when you meet in person, you don't feel that same vibe? Well, that's exactly what happened with me here. There was nothing wrong with this guy, and he's actually very sweet, has a great sense of humor, and excellent taste in music, but I just didn't feel anything for him beyond a friendship. When we decided to part ways that night, he walked me to my truck and kissed me. The kiss was good, but my heart wasn't in it. A couple days later, we had the uncomfortable conversation that led to him unfollowing me on Twitter.

#4: Reuniting
Oh, Facebook... how you allow me to reconnect with old friends and old... flames. Sometime around Thanksgiving last year, I saw that one of my girlfriends had become Facebook friends with the guy that took my virginity. I was curious to see what he was up to, so I sent him a friend request. Within a day or two, we are chatting online and he immediately asks if we were going to hook up. I hesitate because I wasn't sure if I wanted to go down that road again, but he did seem older and more mature.

A few weeks later, we made arrangements to see each other. I'll admit that I wanted to see what it was like to sleep with him after I've had other partners. I don't know if it was because, at that time, I hadn't been with a guy for two years or if he wanted it done his way, but it just wasn't that good for me. However, he and I developed a friendship out of reuniting and we talk about each other's lives, our kids, and I give him relationship advice from time to time.

#3: The Felony
One of my guy friends is someone I've known for years but never met until recently (internet chat buddies). After going to a show that he was involved in, he asked if I wanted to go to a party with him. I was already out, and wanted to hang out with him, so I said yes. We get into his car and drive several blocks to this building that looked like apartments. We don't see a main entrance, so we try a door. It was the right one, but we were told we couldn't come in the party.

My friend decided that he would still find a way for us to get in, so we go out and find another door around the corner. He tries to pull it open, but as he does, the wooden door breaks off the hinges. We stand still for a few seconds, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Then logic kicked in and he told me we need to walk away... really, really fast. We get back in his car and drove away. We ended up back at the theater, and realized that we just accidentally committed a crime. A few hours later, we shared our first kiss. Somehow, I think the criminal activity helped with the nerves... LOL

#2: Club Erotica
One Friday night, I was done working and wanted to do something fun. I posted on Facebook and about 10 minutes later, I get a text from one of my new found guy friends. He was at a party and wanted me to drive over to join him. It happened to be this guy's birthday, so I texted a couple of our mutual friends to join in on the festivities. My friends and I got to the party and our friend was waiting for us outside. He grabbed the host of the house to give us a tour. After walking into the living room and through the kitchen, he gave us business cards that said KC Club Erotica.

Holy shit... I was in an exhibitionist house!

There were beds and ultra plush couches everywhere. The basement had a hot tub, pool table, a dance area (which included a stripper pole), and an outdoor pool for summertime. Oh, and yes, people were engaging in sexual acts. After the initial shock wore off, I surprised myself by feeling comfortable there. I mean, the place wasn't trashy at all (it was well invested) and I was with three friends. By the end of the night, my guy friend made his move and kissed me, which led to making out. It was actually pretty awesome.

Okay, are you guys ready for the most awkward experience I've had recently???



#1: The Creeper
Back in January, I decided to wear my very first corset to The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Well, I happened to get a lot of attention from it... more than I had expected. A week later, I was invited to hang out with this guy who was at the show (a friend of a friend). About 1/2 hour after I got there, he randomly brought up that he and his roommate discussed if he was going to get laid that night. He said he told his roommate that he had no idea but he was just going to let things "go with the flow." Okay... for one, I had no intention of doing that, and to casually bring it up in conversation like he did? Wow. That's a new breed of special right there.

Then the February show rolls around. I got there early, when the rest of the cast did, and he was there. As I was enjoying conversation with the cast, he would randomly come behind me and scratch my back. He also did it once after the show. A few of the cast noticed my discomfort and kept an eye on things. I later found out, from our mutual friends, that he was bragging to everyone that the evening was a date between him and me. I officially found a creeper... and he finally got the picture that I was not interested.

So, there you have it... my awkward dating experiences from the past year and a half. I will say this, three of these scenarios would not have happened if I did not start getting involved in The Rocky Horror Picture Show here in Kansas City. If you liked what I read, then please check out my blog page http://www.kcmoviegeek.blogspot.com/   And, to Aggy, thank you for the opportunity to guest blog on your page!

New Things I Experienced in 2010

Back in September, I was browsing around on Facebook and came across a note that someone had written about the things that he did in 2009 that he had never done before. I really enjoyed reading it and felt inspired to write my own list. It's amazing how many things one person can experience in a year. I hope this inspires some of my friends and readers to do the same!

Here are the new things I experienced in 2010

January:
-Toasted to the new year with champagne with a huge group of friends (the first time I toasted with something with alcohol in it)
-Had a picture taken with celebrities (The band Everclear after winning tix and meet and greet passes on the radio, went with my cousin Katy)

February:
-Cut my own hair (like over a foot off... and kinda butchered it, but my Mom was able to fix it)

March:
-Went to my first 3D film (Alice in Wonderland)
-Attended a Q&A of one of my favorite filmmakers, Kevin Smith
-Encountered the Westboro Baptist protesters (in front of Midland theater before Kevin Smith Q&A)
-Attempted to do my own taxes (using one of those free Internet programs) and found more credits than my Dad did (who normally does mine)... and got a nice return!!!

April:
-Enrolled a child for school
-Spent an entire Saturday watching movies I had never seen before (total of 5 movies that day)

May:
Donated money for a walk (ended up doing two donations: one for Hospital Hill Run and the other for Crohns Colitis walk)

June:
-Made a cake using one of those Wilton cake molds (it was a palm tree), I also experimented with food coloring for the icing
-Successfully removed Malware from a laptop (with the help of my best friend walking me through it via text messages)

July:
-Attended the Rocky Horror Picture Show with a live audience and "lost my virginity" (ended up going a total of 5 times this year, would have been 6 if the last showing wasn't sold out before I got to the theater, grrr)
-Started blogging
-Used diet pills
-Went on a first date since my divorce
-Failed a background check for a potential employer

August:
-Hired at a job that I never applied to (and accepted)
-Put a child on a nightly, routine bedtime

September:
-Attended the wedding of an ex-boyfriend (was my high school sweetheart Ben)
-Went to a bachelorette party
-Went to a strip club

October:
-Ate all four courses while dining at a restaurant (Melting Pot)
-Tried duck and ratatouille (Melting Pot)
-Attended a drag show (Flo's Cabaret)
-Learned to swallow pills whole (opposed to chewing them or using liquid medication)
-Participated in a wedding as a bridesmaid (my sister's wedding)
-Felt an aftershock from the 4.3 magnitude earthquake in Oklahoma on the 13th (my desk was vibrating as I was sitting at it, reported incident to USGS website)
-Got full on drunk and had to have a friend take me home (normally I am the DD or I eat while drinking... it just never happened until now)
-Wore a garter belt (rawr!!!)
-Saw a burlesque show

November:
-Voted in an election
-Waited in a store until midnight to take advantage of Black Friday sales (Walmart... and yes it was crazy)

December:
-Tailgated in the parking lot before a football game
-Attended a Pro Football game (KC Chiefs vs. Denver Broncos)
-Went to a masquerade/ball (1940's USO themed, in a very nice Unitarian church)
-Watched a full lunar eclipse (during Winter Solstice, which the last time those events happened at the same time was in 1638)

And:
-Had an entire calender year go by without being in the presence of my ex-husband (actual count, it has been about 15 months since I last saw him in person)

Wow, I should do this every year! This is an awesome way to reflect on the things I accomplished. I recommend you do the same!

Happy Birthday!

On November 19, 1983, at 8:57 am... a little girl was born, weighing 6 pounds, 8 ounces.

27 years later... and a lifetime's amount of trials, tribulations and excitement... I am here today and ready to have a great birthday!

I must give a shout out to others who share my birthday.... Nancy Caldwell, Leslie Sanford, Bruce Stimpson, and Elizabeth Robertson. Also, celebrities... Meg Ryan, Jodi Foster, Calvin Klein, and former Chiefs player Larry Johnson.

And now.... birthday songs!!!









Yes, I had to be a dork, didn't I??? LOL

I'm Just a Sweet Transvestite, from Transexual Transylvania....

Yea.... I've been dancing to that since I was in diapers. Seriously, I have.

I was raised by parents who went to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show every Friday and Saturday night, twice a night. They've seen the show with an audience over 200 times... not kidding. Growing up, I always knew when the movie was on television. My Dad or Mom would crank up the volume as loud as they could, and I would run into the room, do the Time Warp, and return to whatever I was doing (part of that had to do with the fact that they wouldn't let me see the entire film until I was old enough to understand what was going on).

Naturally, I've been a fan of the Rocky Horror Picture Show my entire life. With that said, I didn't realize until I was in high school that it was a cult film. I guess that's what happens when raised by Rocky Horror enthusiasts... which isn't a bad thing at all. When I was involved in theater, I found other people my age who were into the film as well, even attending a Halloween party where I was handcuffed to my friend Janis while watching the movie. Oh, fun times indeed!!

But...

I was still a "virgin" until my mid-twenties.

For those with extremely confused looks on their faces (Wait, she can't be a virgin, she has a kid!), a "virgin" in Rocky Horror terms means someone who has not seen the movie with a live audience and a floorshow. When I wanted to go to a live showing as a teen and my early twenties, I didn't have the opportunity because the Kansas City area shows were no longer active. However, that changed a couple years ago... and it was someone I actually know that brought it back.

I had my first real Rocky Horror experience on July 17, 2010.

Being that I was a virgin, I had to be initiated. I will not give out the details... that's supposed to remain a secret ("What Happens at Rocky Horror"... yeah, you get the picture). Then, there is the discussion of the prop bags and when to use each prop during the film. Cool... have to do that sometime. Then the film starts.

Now, this is an audience participation event, as well as a floorshow. Many obsceneties will be shouted out throughout the movie. I already knew a few of them... when you see Brad, you yell "asshole!" When you see Janet, "slut!" Those are some of the universal comments. Each show and each theater is different... you don't always know what you will hear. Personally, I was amazed at how creative some of the "shout outs" were.... references from The Princess Bride, Star Trek, Star Wars, Rainbow Bright, and even recent pop culture news (like Mel Gibson's career and Gary Coleman in a casket).

Now, about the floorshow. There are a group of actors that play the characters from the film. They dress up and use props when needed. I don't know if it's just me, but when going to the show, you pay more attention to the floorshow than you do the movie screen. Everyone in the floorshow dresses up for their roles... and accurately. My favorite costume is the sparkly outfit worn by Columbia... I applaud Rachel (who normally plays her) for finding the right pieces!

I was extremely pleased with my first Rocky Horror experience, so much that I've gone to every show since then! The second time I attended, I brought two "virgins" with me, one of them (my friend Katrina) had not seen the movie either, so it was definately a first time experience for her! My mom also came that time, however, it's been so long since she's gone that she didn't know half the references the audience was saying. I guess that's what happens when a younger generation takes control of the show (hehehe). I have also started dressing up for the shows (80's night in September and I wore fishnets last weekend for the October showing).

I am really excited for next week.... the Halloween showing!! I am ready to see lots of costumes (and yes I will have one on as well) and enjoy what will be my 5th Rocky Horror experience. I still have a long way to go to reach my parent's record... but I can do it! At this rate.... you'll probably see me join the Fishnets and Floorshows cast. And yes, I am seriously considering it!



For those interested in the Kansas City shows: http://www.kcrockyhorror.com/  and http://www.screenland.com/

Letters To Me

Ok, I was reading my friend Tiffany's blog and loved what she did that I wanted to do the same!

Dear 10 year old Casey:
You have enjoyed going to gymnastics and competing on your Mom and Dad's trampoline team. However, your competing days are coming to an end. When you are attempting to learn how to do a backdrop pullover, you will get the wind knocked out of you. This will scare you to the point where you stop practicing that night. Then you stop practicing all together. When you are in your teens and start working at a gymnastics facility, you will wonder if you made the right decision at the time. You will think you missed out at first, but then realize all the wonderful things you were able to experience since then. So don't worry, just enjoy the time you have now because you have no idea what's in store for you.

Dear 11 year old Casey:
When it's close to your twelfth birthday, you are going to get some life-altering news. Your days living in Grandview will be coming to an end. You are not going to be happy with this decision because everything you love in life (family, friends, social activities) are pretty much in the same town. Don't be upset with your parents. Moving to Lees Summit will be one of the best things that will ever happen to you. You are going to make some really awesome friends, get involved in so many new activities, and discover your ultimate goals and dreams. As for your Grandview friends, you will lose touch with them, but when you are in your mid-twenties, you will be able to reconnect with them through the Internet on a website that allows plenty of social interaction and networking.

Dear 14 year old Casey:
Your love for the Backstreet Boys is in full force now. Hearing their music is going to make you wish you had a boyfriend. Don't worry... that wish will come true this year. His name is Ben and your first date will be the 8th grade spring dance. It will take you guys about six months before you have your first kiss, but you make up for lost time pretty quickly. He will break up with you twice (first time for less than 24 hours, then for good a year later). It takes you a very long time to get over him... for one, you and him never stopped hanging out, and two... he cheated on his next girlfriend with you. When you finally get over him, your relationship turns into a lifelong friendship. You even attend his wedding when you are in your twenties. So when you feel heartbroken at 16, just know that everything turns out fine in the end.

Dear 17 year old Casey:
You are going to make some weird and stupid decisions between junior and senior year. You have a blast spending time with your friends, especially Katrina. You and her will have so much fun that summer. Your curiosity about sex will reach new heights and before you know it, you are set up with a guy and you lose your virginity. You will get mixed feelings about what you did. You will be happy that you had sex but you will also feel guilty that this was a no-strings attached approach to getting what you wanted. Don't sweat it... you've got a bright future ahead and will be busy finishing high school and starting college before you know it!

Dear 19 year old Casey:
Wow... the wild, fun side of you explodes! You are spending a lot of time with your friends, dancing at bars/clubs, and meeting a lot of new guys through the Internet (two of those guys will still be friends with you years later). You also are feeling rebellious against your parents and are seeking out to be more independent, away from them. You will meet a guy named Brian who will get you away from your family. He will be very sweet, take you to really nice restaurants, and will want to spend every free moment with you (in a borderline obsessive way). I wish I could say that this "honeymoon" type of relationship with Brian lasts... but you have no idea what's in store for you in the next 4 1/2 years.

Dear 20 year old Casey:
You've found out some really deep skeletons in Brian's closet, but being who you are, you will be willing to overlook those things since he has convinced you he is a changed person. You will also have financial struggles, which leads to a decision where you stop using birth control... and immediately become pregnant. You are elated to find out that you will become a mom. You and Brian both want to have a boy, and get your wish. When picking out Truman's name, neither of you can decide between which Grandfather's middle name to use, so you compromise and do both. You will give birth via c-section a couple weeks before your 21st birthday. It will take you a while (and random fits of vomiting) to get used to changing his poopy diapers, but you instantly fall in love with taking care of your little boy.

Dear 23 year old Casey:
Remember that warning I gave you in that letter when you were 19??? Yea... the one that you didn't want to believe until after you went through so much bullshit? Now don't you wish you had listened (not only to me but to your family and close friends)??? Don't worry about it too much. Right after Truman's 3rd birthday you seize the opportunity to leave Brian. You were just going to stay at your parents for a couple days so you both could cool off, but then a phone conversation with Brian completely changes that. This is one of the best decisions you will ever make in your life. It's going to be emotionally hard for you for the first couple months, but once 2008 rolls around, the dark and depressed you that emerged when with Brian will disappear and be replaced with an even happier, more optimistic personality.

Dear 26 year old Casey:
It's been close to three years since you left Brian, and look at how much you've done since then. You have done an amazing job raising Truman on your own (with help from your parents and sister). You have reconnected with so many people that you thought you had lost, also turning a lot of acquaintances into new found friendships. You have done a lot of self discovery and soul searching and can say that you definitely know who you are and what you truly want in life and in love. You have broken out of your own comfort zone and experienced a lot of new things. You finally started writing again... and actually surprised yourself by opening a Pandora's Box of creativity. You are at an awesome place in life right now, where you have no idea what is in store for the future, but you have endless possibilities and a HUGE smile on your face!!!

Epic Failures and Embarrassing Moments, Part II

Since my last blog on this subject was entertaining, here are some more stories of the moments in my life that made my cheeks redden.

-I went to prom junior year with my friend Kress. We had a blast that night. The after party was at the Eastglen 16 theaters in LS. Kress, his friend Brent, and I decided against watching a movie (yes, big shock... I passed on watching a movie). Why? Karaoke. Kress and Brent did a bunch of rock songs (Korn, Limp Bizkit, and others). Then they decided it was my turn and they already told the karaoke dj what song I would be performing. Great. I have no idea what I'm about to sing. It turns out that it's Britney Spears "Oops... I Did It Again." Of course they would pick one of her songs for me. I think I did a decent job, and I recall laughing a couple times.
So about a week goes by and I find out that the karaoke company posted pics on the website of the after party. I decided to browse the site and... found myself mid-performance. This is the moment when I remember the company was taking pics of everyone that participated. I decided not to share this site with anybody, which back then was easy to do since this was before the days of Facebook and MySpace. But maybe I need to look up this company... they could be using my pic. Yikes!

-I hated gym in elementary school. It was just not so fun for me... especially since our coach made us run when we were not listening. But, I had a rather clumsy incident in the 3rd grade. We were dribbling a basketball across the gym and back, first with our right hand, then with the left hand. Although I am a lefty when I write, I'm a righty when it comes to playing sports. I lose control of the basketball when dribbling with my left hand and start to chase after the ball. I end up slamming into the concrete wall face first. My glasses get bent at the bridge. I think I was sent to the nurse's office since I had a little cut by my right eye and it was bleeding a little. No stitches... it wasn't that bad. I think I just bruised my ego more than anything that day.

-In the 7th grade, I was sitting in English class when I notice that a few of my classmates are talking about drinking beer. I try to act cool and involve myself in the conversation. I remember my classmate Jothan asking me how much I've had to drink and I think I told him like one or two beers, but that I wasn't an alcoholic or anything. For the rest of that semester, he would tease me about being an alcoholic... and every time I had wished I kept my mouth shut.

-Ah, freshman hazing. I was a victim of this rite of passage. I was in English class when a senior (Matt Brown, I believe) was delivering things to my teacher. He decided to pick a few of us freshmen to stand in front of the class. We had to sing and perform "I'm a Little Teapot." It was kind of fun but the entire time I was thinking "I hope he doesn't have a camera so this shows up in the yearbook or newspaper."

-Growing up, my Mom bought clothes for me that I didn't alway like. Back in the 5th grade, she found this polo shirt that was white with maroon, green, and orange leaves all over. It ended up being the shirt I wore on class picture day. Well... weeks after school pics, I'm wearing the shirt again. To my horror, a BOY in my class was wearing the same exact polo. This, to me, is way worse than showing up at some party where two females are wearing the same dress. I think this was the moment that I decided I needed to take an active role in what clothes I wore.

-In 2006, Brian (ex-husband) and I owned two cars; one of them was a Chevy Cavalier with a manual transmission. I wasn't a master at driving a car with a stick shift, but there was one particular day where I decided to take the Cavalier to work. The drive to work normally takes less than 15 minutes, and I left early in case I was going to have trouble on the way (mainly because it had been a couple years since the last time I had driven a stick... which was when I was first learning to drive such a vehicle). Yes, I killed it basically every time I had to stop. That I expected. What I didn't expect was for a few of my coworkers witnessing me killing it at least 3 times from entering the Home Depot parking lot to my final stop in a parking space. Yea, that day at work was fun since my coworkers seemed to enjoy my parking lot adventure.

-In English class freshman year, we read Romeo and Juliet. I was always one of the first to volunteer to read a part and ended up reading as the Nurse the entire time. So one day, my teacher, a few classmates and I were discussing dressing up for our roles for fun. My teacher, Mrs. Hall, looked at me and said I was perfect for the role of the Nurse since I had the bosom for it. Wow... my teacher is discussing my big boobs nonchalantly. After the initial shock of hearing this at school, I thought about it and would seriously audition for that role if given the opportunity!

Tanning is Awkward

Celsius Tannery is my go-to place right now. My sister is getting married in less than 2 weeks and I need to get rid of my farmers tan. I'm not a "fake baker" but I am more than happy to do this to look good in my strapless dress.

However, the awkwardness crept up pretty quick.

The first time I went (last Friday), I went in for six minutes. It was just a normal tanning bed... florescent bulbs above and underneath you. As many of you know, I am not skinny. So the part of the bed that you lay on sometimes settles under my weight. Every time I heard the bed shift under me, I had a mini heart attack. It wasn't just about my weight. It was also about a stupid movie.... Final Desination 3. For those who havent seen the movie, there is a scene where two of the girls meet their doom inside a tanning bed. The room gets way too hot (the girl's fault) and the glass breaks, causing them severe burning and their eventual death. So this mini heart attack is a reminder of that very scene. What would have made me jump out of the bed and run is if the song "Love Rollercoaster" played on the radio.

Other than that, it was a normal tanning experience.


Then, tonight happens....

Mom tells me to go use the high pressure bed so I can get my tan done faster and get instant results. And this tanning bed has you sit on a mattress. Ah... sounds like something I'm going to really like. I get in my room and instantly love it. I get all cozied on the mattress and get ready to lower the top of the bed. Hmm... it doesnt move. Maybe it will lower as soon as the timer starts.

Nope.

So I say screw it and do my 15 minutes on my back, then my 15 on my stomach. Holy crap! That tanning bed is extremely hot! It made me think of the part in Breaking Dawn (yes I made a Twilight reference, back off!) where Bella is going through her transformation... the fire hot pain she had to endure. Yep, I can totally relate now.

While I was laying on my stomach, I got extremely relaxed... enough to nod off at least 3 or 4 times (pretty impressive in a 15 minute time span). So when my session was over, I got off the mattress and looked at the mirror to see how much I tanned.

Uh-oh.

My front and back are tanned, but not my sides.

Oh... what's that on the inside of the tanning bed??? Up and down buttons. I try them. Oops... that's what I was supposed to do to lower the bed closer to me. Guess I'll be going back tomorrow to fix my error.

Wow.... do I feel stupid.

Exercise? Yes Please! Motivation? Where the Hell Are You?

I love the fact that I'm not a skinny, beanpole girl. I'm proud to have curves. But, I also dont like that there are areas of my body that I just cringe at when looking in the mirror (my upper arms, my stomach, and my upper thighs). I want to do something about it, moreso in the past two years. The problem is, I have no motivation to exercise on a regular basis and it pisses me off at times. Now that I think about it, being pissed off and not actively trying to change that is passive agressive behavior (something I unfortunately have been doing a lot lately... grrr).

I have yet to lose the weight I gained when I was pregnant with Truman six years ago (33 pounds, in case you were curious). Part of that has to do with the fact that food was a comfort to me when I was in my marriage to Brian. No, I wasn't binge eating (based on what my friend Tiffany wrote on her blog, I have never done that in my life), but I was eating all the wrong foods (sweets, lots of soda, fried foods, and a lot of fast food). It is very easy to fall into that kind of eating habits, especially when you are on the go and just want something that's quick to make and eat.

2008 was a very crazy year for my family. My dad had his unexpected bypass surgery that May, as well as finding out that he is diabetic. Both of those things can be affected by weight. I noted that I could be a borderline diabetic and must start taking action... and didn't. Then, in October, my Mom had her gall bladder removed. Another thing affected by diet, but also can be hereditary (my aunt had hers removed and my grandma may have to get rid of her's soon). I remember looking at my cousin Katy and saying "We could be next" in a half-joking, half-serious manner. Again, I didn't do anything about taking care of myself.

That Christmas brought the Nintendo Wii. Sweet! A video game system that makes you physically active at the same time! Yep! I am sure to easily lose some weight doing this. Um... no. I dont break a sweat bowling, or playing Guitar Hero. Fail.

I'm not going to talk about 2009 at all, except that when my sister got engaged, that made me think that I have plenty of time to lose weight and look good for the wedding.

New Year's 2010... I made a resolution to get more agressive with exercising and be more aware of the food I was eating. So in January, I got out Billy Bank's Tae Bo workout videotape (yes, you heard me correct, VHS not DVD) and starting doing it everyday. That lasted about a week and a half. In April, Mom send me to Target to get Just Dance for the Wii. For those who aren't familiar with it, Just Dance is a game where you learn the dance moves to a variety of songs. I really enjoy playing this. By the time I'm on the 3rd song, I'm breaking into a sweat. By the 5th or 6th song, I am done. That's about a 20-25 minute workout. The problem is, I don't do it regularly.

Back in late-July, I decided to do something that I never imagined I would resort to... Hydroxycut. I took them twice a day, as said on the bottle. I converted to drinking mostly water, with the random glass of milk or juice. I combined that with doing Just Dance workouts. I felt them working. It was curbing my appetite, I wasn't eating nearly as much as I normally did, and I had energy.

Three weeks later, I stopped taking the pills. I thought I could try without and see if I can keep up with the routine. Slowly, I was back where I started.

Last week, I weighed myself for the first time in years (228.8 pounds). I realized that I am at the heaviest I have been in my life. Two days ago, I did it again and realized I lost almost 3 pounds (225.6)... without exercising and without watching what I have been eating. You want to know my secret??? My job requires me to do a lot of walking. I get paid to give customers their food AND get an unexpected workout 4-5 days a week! I just have to watch out for snacking on fries and tortilla chips while waiting for orders to be ready.

Now, I mentioned my sister's engagement. Her wedding is in 13 days and my goal was to lose 60 pounds over the past year. I wanted to go into the bridal shop and be able to get my bridesmaid's dress taken in a lot due to my impressive exercise regime. That plan shot to shit, but the few things I have attempted to do this year is more than I have ever done at any given time. So on that note, I am proud of myself for making those attempts, even if they were short lived.

Based on my height, experts say that 135-140 is an ideal weight. I don't want to be ideal so I set my goal to be about 150-155 lbs. As long as I get to keep my curves I will be happy.

Walks to parents bathroom and weighs myself

226.8 pounds

Dammit.

Oh well, it's a new week... I'll make it go down!

25 Random Facts about Myself

1. As a kid, I had a fear of clowns. Not the kind that were at birthday parties (those I could handle). The scary ones. It started with an episode of "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" To this day, I have no real desire to watch Stephen King's It.

2. After failing my driver's test twice in Lee's Summit, I went to Raytown and passed.

3. I could have easily taken all the advanced placement courses in junior high and high school and had a 4.0 GPA but chose not to. Why? I wanted to have a social life, a job, and date. No, I do not regret doing this.

4. I have a major sweet tooth, always have. Especially if chocolate is involved.

5. Out of everything I obtained from Kindergarten through Senior year, I have saved my artwork and my writings. That's what was important to me.

6. If I am in a park and see an unused swingset, I jump at the opportunity and swing.

7. I make sure that I always have gum. When I see gum on clearance, I stockpile, hehe

8. My dad competed in swimming and diving in high school and college, and is a swimming and diving coach. I don't know how to swim... just a little ironic, don't you think?

9. My greatest fear is to be diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimer's. I thrive on my photographic memory so much that I cannot bear to imagine not having the ability to use it.

10. One of my favorite things to do is go to Borders or Barnes and Noble and spend hours just walking around looking at books.

11. When the day comes that I am about to become a homeowner, I would rather have an older house opposed to a new construction one. Why? Houses nowadays have less character and I want to be able to pick out and work on the home improvements.

12. I have posed a few times for art projects. One time I posed in the nude.

13. I have always wanted to have a social group much like on the tv show Friends. One where you all live near each other and have a "spot" that you frequent many times a week.

14. I am proud to be left handed.

15. I feel sexiest when wearing red undergarments. When I have days where I don't feel so good about myself, I will put some on to give myself a boost.

16. I want to witness an EF-4 or EF-5 tornado someday... from a distance, of course. Watching video on YouTube doesn't count.

17. Whenever there is a new dance craze, I'm usually one of the first people to learn it.

18. In the past year or two, I have become a major recycling nut. I get annoyed sometimes when I find things in the trash can that should actually go in the recycle bin.

19. I have a bag of fabric remnants in my room. I plan to make a quilt someday.

20. When I was younger, I loved going up to Jamesport, MO with my grandparents. My Grandpa Savory would participate in the craft show and my Grandma would take my sister and I around the shops to look around. I was fascinated at how the Amish lived without technology.

21. With the exception of 4 months in Fort Scott, Kansas... I have lived in Missouri my entire life.

22. When home alone, I love blasting music really loud and dancing. Sometimes this involves standing on my bed. Other times I actually change clothes while pretending that I am performing in front of people.

23. I think about sex a hell of a lot more than many women I know.

24. I had a slighty traumatizing incident with a cat when I was 11. I was bitten, then I passed out and had to go to the doctor to get a tetanus shot. I really haven't like cats since.

25. My favorite painting is "Starry Night" by Vincent VanGogh.

Epic Failures and Embarrassing Moments. Wait... Aren't Those the Same Thing??

-One particular day in the eighth grade, my friends and I were enjoying lunch as usual. My friend Shannon starts laughing at something, which caused her to wave her arms up. As she does this, she hits her can of Sunny D in the process. It spills out and some of the liquid lands on my white South Park t-shirt... right at crotch level. I never realized that the color consistancy of Sunny D is very similar to urine. Fortunately, tying a plaid shirt around your waist was still a popular trend at this time, and my friend Kathryn was willing to save me from further embarrassment outside the lunchroom.

-I was kind of a tomboy in my elementary school days... climbing trees, jumping fences, and practicing wheelies on my bike. So there was one time, when I was about 12, where my friends and I were jumping over a fence. I was pretty confident climbing up the 4 foot chain link fence and sat on top of it to jump down. As I start my jump, I realize my pants are stuck to the fence. It was too late. My pants ripped on BOTH back thighs and left some pretty big holes. To this day, I have avoided sitting on a fence, maybe even jumping them too.

-When I was 19, I spent a lot of time hanging out with my friend Robin. One day, we were leaving our friend Maria's house in her car. We were near the bowling alley when I noticed a massive puddle of water that had formed from a wave of recent rainshowers. I realize Robin is getting dangerously close to it and start freaking out. I shout "PUDDLE!" kinda loudly. She drives through it anyway and, to my realization, knew it wasn't deep at all. Epic fail. Ever since then, every time we see each other and there is a puddle around, she makes sure to point it out to me (or randomly brings it up on my Facebook).

-In May of this year, I was on my way home from the I-70 Drive In with Truman. I was going through Raytown when I notice a police car pass me, turn around, and then pull me over. Apparently I had my parking lights on, but not my headlights. Ok, no big deal. So I retrieve my license and insurance information for the officer. As I am doing this, Truman starts talking to him. I glance back at Truman through the rearview mirror. To my horror, he is holding his extra pair of Transformers underwear and showing them to the officer. I couldn't look at the officer for the rest of the very short time left with him.

-This one is very cliche, but it does happen. Case in point... I was about 10 or 11 and a lot of my extended family from St. Louis was in town to celebrate Christmas at my grandparents. I don't remember if it was from my Mom or Grandma, but to have to show everyone the 3-4 pairs of underwear, especially in front of my cousins Scott and Jason (who were teens at the time), was not something I expected to do that year.

-I had worked at Pizza Hut in the short time that I was living in Fort Scott, Kansas. There was a family of four that ordered two pizzas. As I was walking to their table, one of the pizzas started to slide off pan. When I was less than 10 feet from their table, the pizza lost the battle with the pan. It crashed to the ground. I hastily get the other pizza to them while apologizing like crazy for them having to wait while the kitchen started making a new, floorless pizza.

-I was at a party with the Home Depot crew back in 2007. There was an awesome turnout and a few drinking games were in action. I decided to try my skills playing Jerry's Kids. [Basic rules: you have 3 shots to drink while someone rolls a pair of dice. If they roll doubles before you finsih the shots, you have to refill the shots and drink again... a total of six shots] We were using Bud Light that night. As I assumed, I lost and had to refill. Being new to drinking games was not helping me, plus the fact that the beer was foamy. I was trying to drink them way too fast, and immediately regurgitated the liquid. My skills have greatly improved since then, thanks to many beer pong games.

-I attended the annual carnival at my junior high with a few of my friends. When it was over, we were all standing outside waiting for our parents to pick us up. For some reason, I was feeling a little hyper. I jumped around a little and ended up bodyslamming my friend Eric. Neither of us crashed to the ground, but we made sure to keep a safe distance from each other.

-From the age of 14 to about 17, I was overly confident when walking outside in winter. I cannot tell you how many times I have slipped on ice and landed on my butt. Many of those times were in front of my house. Those two steps from the front door to the sidewalk were missed many times. And no, I have never broken anything in the process.

-I was 19 and having a low key Saturday afternoon. I didn't have to work so I thought I would watch a few of the free rentals I got as a benefit to being a Blockbuster employee. I made raman noodles and was carrying them out to the living room. The bowl was hotter than I expected. I naturally let go and it landed on my right foot. Searing hot noodles and boiling water. Major ouch. I ran to the bathroom and stuck my foot in the sink while blasting cold water. The evidence of my foot burn lasted a couple weeks, but at least I didn't cause any permanent damage. *smacks forehead

-For 2001 New Years, I joined my sister and her youth group for a night of fun: Sports City in Blue Springs, bowling, roller skating, and a movie in one of the churches in Lee's Summit. When we went to Landmark to go skating, and I was pumped! I hadn't gone roller skating for years at that point and was ready to have some fun. I was trying to stop the skates while turning at the same time. It doesn't work. I landed on my tailbone. I stopped skating for the night. About three weeks later, sitting in one of my classes, I finally notice that my tailbone stopped hurting.

Note to self: Overconfidence causes pain and embarrassment... must remember that to prevent more moments like these!

A Random Act of Kindness

May 21, 2007

Brian, Truman, and I were living in a house in Greenwood at the time. I was happily working at Home Depot. On this particular evening, Truman and I went up to Price Chopper to get groceries for the house (I'm more of a HyVee person, but that was the closest grocery store to the house). So I take my time and look around until I get everything I thought we needed.

When I go to pay for the groceries, my debit card is declined. Odd... I just got paid 3 days ago. There's plenty of money in my account. So I try again with a smaller total... still declined. A group of 3 people my age are behind me, buying beer and supplies for what looks like a weekend at the lake. One of the guys, who I recognize from around town (maybe even from school), offers to pay for my groceries. I decline and make two more attempts with my debit card. I then ask the cashier to suspend my transaction and head to the ATM a few feet away.

My account balance was 27 cents.

Brian....

What the fuck did you spend with my debit card???

I go back to the register and aplologize that I cannot pay for my food. The guy behind me offers to pay for my bill again. I don't know if it was out of frustration or out of pure shock that someone was willing to do that for me, but I let him pay. I thanked him a few times and went to get Truman and the groceries in the car.

I see the guy and his friends getting into his truck, with a boat attached to it. He drives over toward me and talks to me for a minute. He said that he knows that things "can get hard when you work" and try to take care of your family. He was happy to do that for me since he was on vacation. He also said "God Bless" before he left.

What this guy did for me amazed me to the point where I forgot about how mad I was at Brian for taking my debit card. I didn't even bring that up to him when I got home. I will never forget what this guy did for "saving" me that day. He is a modern day good samaritan and I wish for the day that I can find this guy and thank him once again for helping me.

September 11, 2001

I will never forget where I was when I first heard the news that changed America.

I was a senior in high school. It was between 1st and 2nd hour. I ran into my friend Amarisa while we were heading toward our classes. She said she was in the nurse's office when they saw the breaking news on the television. It was right after the first plane hit the World Trade Center.

As soon as I walked into my newspaper class, I find my friend Bazigha, who was one of the few Muslim students in the school, not to mention a very sweet girl. After I wish her a Happy Birthday, I tell her about the breaking news. We ask Mr. Russell to turn on the television so we can watch, but he declines, since we were on deadline for Friday's publication. So Bazigha and I sat on the yearbook side of the journalism lab, since Mrs. Thompson had her tv on. We couldn't hear it, but was able to watch through the windows and try to break down what was happening. We had no idea what was being speculated about who was behind this attack.

After newspaper.... all normal classroom activities ceased.

Yes, we went from one class to another like we did every day, but our agenda was either watching the footage on tv (yes, my school had a television in every classroom, with cable) or we were all discussing the events that happened. I loved how my Spanish teacher, Mrs. Urquilla, made sure we knew the facts about the events. She was very smart in making sure that the biases and judgements were avoided.

When I got home from school that afternoon, I immediately turned on the television. Having missed the footage from when both towers of the World Trade Center was hit, I was finally able to catch it. It made my entire body chill (and still does today). I continued to watch my tv until at least midnight, maybe one in the morning. I didn't care about sleeping for school the next day.... this was more important.

The following couple weeks were interesting, to say the least. My friend Bazigha had to be escorted to her classes because some of the students were showing hatrid and anger toward her. The football team had a very touching tribute before the September 14th game. A few of the student groups had decided to sell t-shirts honoring 9/11/01, also setting up boxes for donating clothes, food, and medical supplies. I started saving magazines that featured the events: People, Entertainment Weekly. I started watching the news on a daily basis (which I've heard that tragedies usually trigger non news watchers to convert... and I continue to watch the news every day).

The following semester, the end of my senior year, I was in my Current Events class and our teacher had us watch a documentary. It was supposed to be about how a rookie becomes a firefighter. It ended up becoming a very touching piece about the events of September 11 as they were happening. I proudly own this documentary and I watch it every year. Of all the videos, tributes, and compilations out there... THIS is the best one. There are no biases, no political agendas behind it. It's just real.

I will never forget what happened on September 11, 2001

**Spoiler Alert*** This Blog is about Religion

"Donnie, an atheist is someone who denies altogether the existence of God. You're an agnostic. An agnostic is someone who believes that there can be no proof of the existence of God, but does not deny the possibility that God exists." -Donnie Darko

I was watching that movie back in April. Now I've seen this movie many times but to me, it's one of those films that the more times I watch it, the more I understand things. This time around, it got my mind working about religion. Yes, that may seem odd, but I was happy that it did. Then, last night, I got into a very interesting discussion with my friend Matt about religion. We covered a lot of stuff, from breaking down each denomination of Christianity to fundamentalist groups. It was very pleasant to me that he and I seemed to have a lot of similar beliefs and that we could discuss religion without feeling like we were going to offend one another.

My personal journey on finding where I am religiously has taken me years, even decades. I still don't have all the answers, but I feel comfortable with where I stand.


I am an agnostic.


I know that this may come as a shock to many of you, especially to my family and the friends that I went with to their churches. A lot of my extended family are very religious, and I love them for that. But for me, I have to go with what my heart tells me.

My Mom's side of the family was raised Catholic. My Dad had been raised Baptist by his mom and his dad was Episcopalian. I have attended all of those churches, as well as Presbyterian, RLDS (aka Community of Christ), and Christian Non-Denominational. I've compared each one. For the most part, they were the same (I mean, they all read the Bible, take communion, and bring people together). The only one that I was even remotely interested in possibly joining was Catholicism, and that was when I was going to college in St. Louis... which was a Catholic based University.

When I was a teen, my Mom was taking a human sexuality class and part of the course had to do with religion and homosexuality. They broke down the Bible and compared current prints with ones from before the sexual revolution. The discovery that the Bible was altered to condone homosexuality blew my mind. At first I was appauled that people would alter the word of God to fit into what's going on in the world. Then, I thought it through and realized that this was definatly not the first time something like this has happened. People have always altered or changed things to either protect someone or to deny something. Why would the Bible be any different?

That realization then made me question organized religion in general. If the people who pen copies of the Bible alter the info and Pastors preach those copies, then who is to say that we are really getting the true word of God? I just see way too many flaws there. I would much rather do my own research for the truth. I just feel you need to explore things for yourself, make your own discoveries. You don't have to follow the crowd... that's the beauty of free will.

There's also the whole science vs. God controversy. Scientists continue to reserch and discover more of how our planet works, how things came to exist. This does anger many, since it contributes to prove that God didn't create everything, or didnt exist at all. To me, knowledge is a powerful thing. The more you know about something, the more understanding you will be about life. So I support scientific research. Nothing wrong with that, especially since medicine is part of that research.

What does anger me about some religion is focused on the fundamentalist groups, especially with groups like the Westboro Baptist Church. That group exists more out of fear and hatrid than out of love and forgiveness. Some of it is also focused on ignorance. I just sometimes struggle to believe that some of their followers think that it's ok to expose harm to the world using religion as their reason behind it. It's groups like this that also contribute to the fact that I believe you should explore things on your own.

Just because I am agnostic doesn't mean that I will avoid talking about religion. I actually like discussing it, and with all kinds of people. I even love studying all aspects of religion. I spent many hours in newspaper class talking to one of my friends who is Muslim, and we enjoyed comparing each other's beliefs. I was thrilled when she brought the Qu'ran to school one day. Same goes with my friend Amarisa. I love hearing about her Mormon beliefs; it just fascinates me in the same way that I was when learning about new things in grade school. I would love to go on a vacation to Europe someday and visit the oldest churches in existance. A lot of my favorite books, movies, and tv shows revolve around religion or have religious aspects.

Books- Angels and Demons, The DaVinci Code
Movies-Dogma, The Green Mile, Boondock Saints, Saved!
Television- Big Love, True Blood

Ok, so I may not be the typical agnostic. But that's ok with me. Like I said, I am still doing some self-discovery. But at least I will know that whenever it comes time for me to leave this world, I will know that I stood true to my own beliefs and that I was happy.

Writer's Block

I've been staring at the laptop screen for about two hours now. I really havent been doing anything besides the occasional comment on Facebook or "liking" someone's status. I'm having a moment where my brain feels like it's turning to mush. This is a moment where I am having writer's block.

For someone who loves to write, like me, having nothing to write about is complete torture. I want to be able to write about something, anything! I have millions of ideas floating in my head on any given day, but when I sit down to actually start processing those ideas, I cant. It's frustrating as hell. So what do I do? I get on Facebook, Twitter or read other blogs from my friends, hoping some phrase or idea inspires me. When that doesnt work and I realize, once again, I zoned out for another 10-15 minutes, I get up from my desk and look around my room.

I walk over to my bookcase and look at my books. I search my DVD's to find some movie that I feel will bring out some creative thoughts. Sometimes I will pick out a musical, like Moulin Rouge or Chicago (but that doesn't always work because I end up just watching the movie and singing/dancing to it. Right now, I am watching Alice in Wonderland (Tim Burton version). Ok, I am kind of watching it... more like listening to it and taking an occasional glance at my tv.

When that doesn't work either, I just start thinking random blog ideas. Should I do a blog about my new job? No... maybe in a couple weeks. Should I write about the new strip club laws? No... too many of my friends have blogged about it or posted stuff on Facebook. Even I have posted at least a dozen times the past few months about it, so there would be nothing new for me to write about. Anything else political that I want to blog about? No... nothing is standing out for me that I want to rant over. Truman? No... as much as I love my Mini Me, I can't seem to get any good inspiration for writing about him.

So I am stuck.

Stuck with a million thoughts and ideas in my head, but no outlet.

Dammit.

Movie Geekness

Early this morning, my friend Matt quotes Office Space on Facebook. I couldn't resist firing a quote back to him. This leads to me writing a "rule" of movie geekness as my facebook status. Then, I notice that my friends take advantage of this and get me to play "Name that Movie." I happily play along, thus proving how easily entertained I can be. After giving a little bit of thought, I decided to expand my facebook status into an entire blog about why I feel I deserve to be called a movie geek.

-My dream job is to watch movies and write reviews for a magazine or newspaper (why not combine both my passion for moviewatching and for writing and get paid for it?)

-My DVD collection is so big that I keep track of my inventory in a spiral notebook. I kind of stole this idea from When Harry Met Sally... since Sally kept a recipe holder by her bed with her movies listed on index cards. I figured the notebook would be easier to maintain and can sit comfortably on top of my DVDs.

-When in social situations, I can easily throw in a movie quote into the conversation. Or I just randomly quote movies, lol

-This blog that you are reading now has a primary focus on movies (I mean, look at my web address... kcmoviegeek.blogspot.com I did that on purpose).

-If you randomly quote a movie line as your Facebook status, be warned that I will notice and respond with more quotes from the same movie.

-My favorite channel on Time Warner Cable is 986, Movie Trailers on Demand. I have, many times, spent an hour or two sitting on the couch watching preview after preview.

-I save my ticket stubs and keep them in my scrapbook. I even have the ticket stub from when I saw The Lion King back in 1994.

-I tried to get a job at the movie theater once. I think what killed my chances was that I spent so much time talking about movies than discussing why I would be a great employee to the company.

-I get really mad if I am late to the movies and miss the previews.

-I would seriously plan a vacation that revolves around touring movie studios and visiting locations that were used for my favorite films.

-My dream house WILL have a theater room. I will find the biggest screen possible to show the movies. It will have tons of shelves for holding my movie collection, a massive surround sound system, movie posters hanging on the walls, and comfortable seating.

-My favorite course in college was my Film as Literature class. We watched a lot of movies (Charlie Chaplin films, Casablanca, Citizen Kane & others) and wrote extensive papers about each movie.

-If there is a midnight showing for a film, I will be there. 95% of the time. I can't split myself in two and attend two midnight showings the same night, you know...

-IMDB.com is listed under my favorites tab on my laptop.

-I buy movies that I have never seen knowing that I will like them.

-My biggest pet peeve is when people constantly talk during a movie. I'm ok with a random comment, but when they are basically having an entire conversation with me, I will not hesitate in telling them to shut up. This is especially true for a movie I have been dying to see.

-When shopping at places like Target or Best Buy, my first stop is at the movies.

-About 1/3 of my book collection has been made into movies.

-I have purchased red, blue, green, white and yellow DVD cases on EBay just so my movie collection would look more attractive.

-I write movie reviews on my buddy Brandon's webpage just because I can!

-I once looked up career opportunities for the MPAA on Career Builder. I found them in St. Louis but at the time I wasn't willing to move there, lol

-My favorite former job was working at Blockbuster Video. I had 5 free rentals a week, I could rent movies not yet released in stores, and I was able to discuss movies with everyone! I also got a lot of free movie stuff when working there (posters, DVD cases, entertainment magazines).

-I have made cds with just movie themes on them. I also try to take advantage of listening to the movie themes channel when in my sister's car (gotta love satellite radio).

-If I discover "Easter Eggs" in a film that I own, I am immediately putting it in the DVD player to find them. Or I see the movie in theaters again.

-If I have money to blow, my first purchase is likely to be on a movie.

-Even though parody movies are generally dumb, I love them. To me, those movies are 10 times funnier when you have seen all the films they are spoofing. And in my case, I have seen all of the movies.

-I currently own 13 version of Scene It? and 4 Shout about Movies DVD trivia games.

-I have seen more than one movie in theaters within a 24 hour period on many occasions, and not just at the Drive-In.

Yes, I believe I am more than qualified to be called a Movie Geek :-)

The Trials and Tribulations of Job Hunting

If you were to get onto my laptop and search the internet history, you will find the normal stuff: e-mail, social networking sites, my blog, blogs of others, a few retail websites.... and Career Builder. I've been visiting Career Builder a lot. Sometimes I am on there three times a day hoping new jobs get posted. Navigating around that site has become second nature to me. I have a love/hate relationship with this site. Ok, maybe not the site, but how it makes me feel sometimes when trying to find employment.

As many of you may know, I have had a very consistant job history until about two years ago (My Sacrifices blog reflects the holes in my employment). I hate not having a job. I have to be working somewhere, even if I miraculously win the Powerball and would never need to work again. That's just in my nature.

Dealing with the recession definately took an impact on my job hunting. Jobs that I was qualified to do were being filled by others that had too much experience, but they needed the job so they wouldn't lose everything. I had many calls for places. I even had two excellent interviews at Best Buy in summer 2008, but sadly they could not hire me even though they needed someone. This was the story of my life then, until Cargo Largo got ahold of me. That was the worst job... EVER. I was warned how bad it was beforehand, but in desperation to have income, I took the job, and suffered through it for 9 months.

Enter Career Builder.

That site has been my number one resource for a year now. The more I use it, the more I realize how few jobs I can actually have with not completing a college degree (FYI, my job history involves restaurant, retail, customer service, and some office/clerical work... see how I have limited choices?). Those times where it gets me down is when I either log off Career Builder for a few days or take a chance and go for jobs that require more experience (in the hopes that someone will look at my ambitions and eagerness to give me a chance).

Once I do apply for any number of jobs, then I feel the "games" begin. I have held enough jobs to know that there are several different ways to go about hiring people. Some companies look for applicants who persistantly follow up on their resumes. Some don't want to be contacted at all. With more companies going paperless, I have noticed an increase of e-mail interview setups (and "position has been filled" e-mails). Attempting to figure out which company plays which game is frustrating as hell. I thought I was awesome for persistantly following up with Blockbuster Video for three weeks, which helped me get the job, but it seems that today, you cant find an employer who will hire you that way. Then there is the issue of finding extra ways to boost up your work credentials, like adding letters of recommendation. Many of the jobs I've been applying to lately don't want to look at them. They seem to not care, unless its a quick reference that they can call over the phone.

I also have recently discovered a dark thing from my past that may have been preventing me from getting many jobs that I have been interviewed for... my 2004 misdemeanor. I wrote several bad checks with the promise from my ex-husband that he would get money into my account so I wouldn't get in trouble. Yep, didn't happen. I had to go to court and was placed on six months probation. I thought that was all over back then, but last month, it cost me a job at JC Penney. How I was able to pass three background checks (in the past six years) without that ever showing up is beyond me. There is no worse feeling than getting ready to start a new job then having it taken away from you days later. But, this setback was a good thing since I now have to really pay attention to the "Have you been convicted of a crime/felony" question. I may have been unknowingly lying on job applications.

The whole process of applying, following up, and interviews has become more of a burden to me the past year. It makes me tired of "playing the job seeking game." I see people that take their jobs for granted and wonder how someone like me, who is looking for a job for all the right reasons, can feel a little bit worthless? Moments like this is what put me in a mini funk a few days ago (and thanks to some rock music, the outdoors, and a glass of wine, I got over it pretty fast).

You want to know something ridiculous? I've been ranting about my frustrations of finding a job when I was offered one six hours prior to writing this blog. I took the job and will probably be starting it in the next 24-48 hours. And what's even more ridiculous??? I didn't even have an application on file!

Myself vs. Myself

I have opened my eyes for the first time in a long time.

If you guys remember the last two personal posts I have written, you may have noticed that I've been doing some reflecting when it comes to my past. I would say that this really started about three weeks ago, but moreso in the past two weeks. There have been some external reasons behind this, but mostly it is in regards to my sudden comeback in a social life. I have gone out and done things every weekend (and sometimes during the week) for a month now. That is a HUGE jump compared to the past 3 years (which was maybe getting out once a month). I have greatly missed being able to do this, and now that I'm getting back into it, I fear that it will go away.

I remember when I was 19 years old. I consider that one of the best years of my life. I was going to college, working at a gymnastics facility (and later a video store), and spending TONS of time with my friends. Other than my classes and work, I had no worries. I felt invincible, like I could do anything. I randomly dated guys (the only time in my life I really did that... I'm more of a relationship person). I was discovering the wild and spontaneous side of me. I participated in a wet t-shirt contest (didn't win, lol). I cruised down Noland Road for the hell of it. I even had one guy I dated just want to sit at home instead of getting out. What did I do? I made him go to a toy store with me.

Then I turned 20 and was pregnant a few months later. Yes, some of you read about the trials I went through in my marriage. But this isn't about that.

I love Truman. I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. I take pride in being his mom. But just being a parent in general (and a single parent at that) is starting to be a personal struggle for me. Yes, I chose to have Truman even though he wasn't planned. I accepted the responsibilities of taking care of him, but I had the support of his father (yep that shot to shit really fast). What I didn't expect to happen was to feel like I have missed out on things, like certain rites of passage that one needs to go through before having kids.

I look at some of my closest friends and see how the ones that are married with kids handle parenthood and a social life. For the most part, they are all about the family structure, but when they get out for a night, the kids the last thing that's on their mind. Ok, I admit, that's how I prefer it too. If I am not around Truman, I want to have adult conversation and to be able to do adult things, like drinking, cursing, and dating.

Then there are my friends who have not yet been married. They have a different kind of independence that I do. They can just hop in the car and make a road trip if they have a free weekend. They can make more commitments to a plethora of activities. They don't necessarily have to worry about someone else's well being in order to have a night out.

Last year, I remember thinking that whenever I get back into the dating world, that I would need to filter out potential guys. Guys with similarities to my ex-husband... RUN AWAY FAST! Guys that ask for blowjobs before they know my name... Hell no! Guys that are parents themselves... good, even idealistic. But does idealistic usually happen in the dating world? No.

After almost 3 years, I have returned to dating. I feel awkward. It's not because of who, but because I haven't been out there in so long that I don't know what to do or what to say most of the time. Add in the fact that I have a kid, and that can potentially scare someone away. It's a newfound fear that I have. I want to be seen as the individual I am, not as someone who has baggage.

I know I am my own person, and I personally believe that I'm unique. I also know that I am a parent. I am both of those people. The recent weeks have definately opened my eyes, for what exciting things I hope to come in my future, and my fears that having a kid is going to hold me back from being with someone that is compatible with me.

Is it Fall Yet?

One of the things I like about living in the Midwest is that I get to experience all four seasons. Rainy springs, hot and humid summers, cool and breezy falls, and cold and snowy winters. I like the variety, most of the time. As a kid, I considered winter to be my favorite time of the year. I loved playing in the snow and always anticipated having a snow day from school.

Then, I started high school. I spent my friday nights going to football games. I had sought out independence from my family to experience new things. I was suprising myself with what I truly loved and hated in life. I also came to the realization that I actually disliked winter... and it took me getting my driver's license to come to that conclusion.

Since then, my favorite season became fall. It's not just because I learned to hate driving in winter (did I just contradict my last statement? maybe, lol). I actually have several reasons for LOVING this time of the year. And I have compiled a list of those reasons.

Watching the leaves change colors: I am always amazed at how beautiful the trees look each year, especially the leaves that turn orange. Whenever I own a house, I must have a maple or birch tree, just for that reason alone. I also love taking scenic drives at this time. I cant get enough of the beauty that nature provides.

Football season: Ok, so I'm not one of those people that will be tailgating at the Chiefs games every week. Like I mentioned earlier, I spent my Fridays at high school games (yes that may have started because of my high school boyfriend being on the team, but it grew to be something I enjoyed going to with my friends). I also get the urge to play a little football myself. I did play powderpuff football my junior and senior year and would love to get with the girls to play again (except not flag football like the school deemed).

The smells of Fall: someone burning leaves in a field, traces of apple cinnamon, fresh air, caramel, fog machines (around Halloween), a new box of crayons (back to school recollections), even the rain!

Less Sunlight/Daylight Savings: I prefer it to get dark around 6 or 7. I like having dinner under a starry sky. I also like setting clocks back an hour. It just feels like you get more time in the day when you do that.

Halloween: Always a fun time! I visit dozens of stores just looking at costumes and supplies (and always wish I had more money to get more costumes). I trick-or-treated until the 8th grade (and I was a trick-or-treat bag that year-- used a lawn and leaf bag as my costume). To me, this is hands down the most creative holiday out there.... lots of endless possibilities.

Back to School: I was one of those kids who loved going to school. Getting new supplies each year, seeing my friends everyday, learning new things. I saw each year as a fresh start for fun and exciting things.

Tastes of Fall: apple cider, caramel, chili, cinnamon rolls, candy corn (and those mini pumpkins), a glass of wine (when sitting outside)

Horror movies: I watch them all the time, but when fall comes around, I have a significantly increased desire to watch a lot of them. Especially in October (Halloween, duh!).

Being outdoors: This is the time of year that I spend the most outdoors. Springtime gives me allergy issues. Summer is too hot to bear at times. So when September rolls around, I'm out of the house! Yes, I'll take a table outside at a restaurant. I'll go on walks (which I should be doing on a regular basis, lol). I will sit on the hood of a car at the drive-in instead of sitting in it (or a lawn chair). Bonfire? I'm there!

My Birthday: It normally falls the week before Thanksgiving. So before families get together and stuff their faces with food, I get to celebrate my day of birth!

Hoodies!!! and Jackets: I'm a huge sucker for wearing hoodies. I hate wearing winter coats, they always feel too bulky. Just give me a hoodie to put on over a t-shirt or tank top and I'm good! But when I'm trying to look nice, I'll put on a lightweight jacket :-)

Fall TV Schedule: For the few shows that I watch on a regular basis, I get excited for seeing new episodes. I also try to get a feel for any new series vying for an audience. That's how I fell for shows like Big Love and (back in the day) Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

As I impatiently await the days for fall to come, I will have this list to read over in anticipation for experiencing my favorite time of the year!

Oh yea.... 39 days until Fall!!!