When I created my Xanga account, I wanted to pay homage to my favorite show at the time, Sex and the City. Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) had her own column in a paper about sex and dating/ relationships. Since I aspired to have a column of my own, I thought that writing would help me establish a younger, Midwestern version of Sex and the City. I named my Xanga account The Next Carrie Bradshaw.
As I read the following post, I realized that I wrote this five days before I got married to my ex-husband. Interesting. I can't remember if we had obtained the marriage license yet, but the marriage was hidden from my family for a long time (not proud about that, by the way).
So anyway, enjoy this blast from the past (which the format totally resembles a college term paper... at least it did to me when reading it, lol).
Monday, January 03, 2005
In a lifetime, there are many major milestones (or changes) that one can experience. After one of these milestones happen, there are an unlimited amount of things that can also happen. Depending on how that person handles these situations determines if they believe that they can still reach their goals in life. Why is it that no matter what happens in life, it somehow gets compared to how things were like when we were in high school?
Something that usually is compared first is relationships. When anyone first starts to date, they notice things that they like or dislike about a person. Anytime that a new person comes into the picture, they are automatically compared to that first person, sometimes setting new likes and dislikes. This eventually becomes a pattern and starts a new pattern, dating the same kind of people. For me, I tended to go for guys who played football in high school or firefighters. Unfortunately, for someone who has had dysfunctional relationships, another pattern can develop, comparing the exes to each other by slandering them. One of my exes, I've noticed, is doing that to his most recent ex-girlfriend. He's starting to grow very pessimistic about relationships because of her and because of the girl that he dated right after me. No matter what happens in a relationship, it always is compared to previous relationships.
A fallback to going through a major change is the feeling that you'll deeply miss "the good old days" where everyone was together and had a great time. This happens especially after high school graduation and after college graduation. When a person moves away from their family to pursue their dreams and goals, returning home (either visiting or staying) seems less and less enjoyable. Some no longer feel welcome in their hometown and others develop new (and harmful) habits to try to cope with the change. Some of these habits can be drugs, alcohol, sex, or even crime. This path can lead to be very dangerous to a person, and as long as they have people who care about them, they WILL have the power to get out of these habits (and counseling or medications are not always the answer, I see them as a very last resort type of thing.. and I'd rather not be codependent on either thing to get on with life).
Moving away is another change that definitely gets compared to with the high school days. When somebody moves out and starts to live on their own (or with a roommate or spouse), the "real world" seems to kick them in the ass. All of a sudden, a person has to deal with bills and keeping a job to pay for the bills, budgeting, buying groceries, and (for some) having a family and children. None of these things were issues in high school; the biggest issues used to be boyfriend/girlfriend related or finding money (or begging the parents for some) to hang out with your friends.
No matter what life seems to throw at us, eventually we all have to change. My best advice is just to go with the flow and accept the changes with as much optimism as you can. Unless you enjoy being a pessimist, I don't recommend being one because life seems to get worse and worse if you think that way. And as far as high school goes, it is in the past and you can't change what happened then. But you CAN change what happens in your future...