I don't know exactly how this started, but a lot of my friends (especially my guy friends) come to me for advice. Maybe it's because I am a good listener, or that I think from a logical, not emotional standpoint. Either way, I like it. Most of the advice that people ask me for is about relationships. I've helped guys think of creative places for dates, if a girl is playing games with them, and if the girl is losing interest. But, I also have been asked about financial solutions for various things or about friendship issues.
However, I don't seem to get complimented on it very much.
I'd like to assume that I am good at giving advice, since the same 5-6 people keep coming to me to talk about stuff, plus others at random. I mean, I keep the discussions between me and that person (that to me shows that I am trusting), I listen to what they have to say, and I ask questions to get a better picture of the situation before I start to offer them solutions. When someone posts on Facebook about issues, I try to offer them solutions too. I'm not saying I'm an expert on such things, but I don't receive any uncomfortable or angry responses. I also have been told by one person that I should try to pursue some sort of consultant-type of job where I can just give random advice to people. I don't even know where I would start if I seriously considered going that route.
Anyways, I guess I would just like to have some reassurance that I am great at giving advice. Everyone can benefit from hearing more "thank yous" each day :-)
Friday, November 12, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Day 11- Something People Seem to Compliment You the Most On
For anyone that's ever met me, they will immediately realize my happy, optimistic personality. I was nicknamed "Sunshine" by a few friends in junior high because of it. I am proud to have that nickname, so much that when it was time to order Senior Girl's jerseys, I didn't hesitate to put "Sunshine" on the back of mine. A lot of people love that about me, but there is something else that I get complimented on more... that I am extremely kind-hearted.
I don't know if it's how I was raised, but I'm one of those people that will always treat people with kindness, even if I shouldn't. My best friend Brandon has pointed out that he "envies" my "giant heart sometimes." He's also said that he doesn't understand how I don't hold grudges. I just don't. I would rather not spend countless hours ranting over someone or something that someone did to deceive me. I like to see people for the good in them, even if they are not known for that... one reason why I fought to make my marriage work for so long.
Some people do try to take advantage of the fact that I am kind-hearted, which may seem like that's a flaw that I have. But I don't see it that way. I am smart enough to know when people are using me.. and then they don't get away with it anymore. For example, I will offer someone at work to get a drink for them. Then, if they assume they I will do that for them every time, without asking, then I stop. Yea, that's just a small example, but when things like that happen more than I'd like them to, it gets to be a burden.
My kind-heartedness has been acknowledged in my professional life, which surprised me. When I was working at Home Depot, I was having my first annual review. My boss gave me extremely high remarks for "respecting people of all races and backgrounds." When I discussed that with her, I remembered asking "Well, isn't that pretty normal for people to do that?" She replied that it wasn't (and I knew she was telling the truth... she is gay and has had to deal with some very critical people, which to me make me sad for humanity in general). That just blew my mind... just for the simple fact that I am considered a rarity when it comes to acting kind to others.
I'll never stop being a kind-hearted person. It keeps me in a consistently good mood, I don't dwell on little dramas in life, and when it comes down to highly stressful situations, I can handle them better than others. More people need to embrace this... all it does it benefit yourself and others.
I don't know if it's how I was raised, but I'm one of those people that will always treat people with kindness, even if I shouldn't. My best friend Brandon has pointed out that he "envies" my "giant heart sometimes." He's also said that he doesn't understand how I don't hold grudges. I just don't. I would rather not spend countless hours ranting over someone or something that someone did to deceive me. I like to see people for the good in them, even if they are not known for that... one reason why I fought to make my marriage work for so long.
Some people do try to take advantage of the fact that I am kind-hearted, which may seem like that's a flaw that I have. But I don't see it that way. I am smart enough to know when people are using me.. and then they don't get away with it anymore. For example, I will offer someone at work to get a drink for them. Then, if they assume they I will do that for them every time, without asking, then I stop. Yea, that's just a small example, but when things like that happen more than I'd like them to, it gets to be a burden.
My kind-heartedness has been acknowledged in my professional life, which surprised me. When I was working at Home Depot, I was having my first annual review. My boss gave me extremely high remarks for "respecting people of all races and backgrounds." When I discussed that with her, I remembered asking "Well, isn't that pretty normal for people to do that?" She replied that it wasn't (and I knew she was telling the truth... she is gay and has had to deal with some very critical people, which to me make me sad for humanity in general). That just blew my mind... just for the simple fact that I am considered a rarity when it comes to acting kind to others.
I'll never stop being a kind-hearted person. It keeps me in a consistently good mood, I don't dwell on little dramas in life, and when it comes down to highly stressful situations, I can handle them better than others. More people need to embrace this... all it does it benefit yourself and others.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Day 10- Someone You Need to Let Go, or Wish You Didn't Know
I'm not exactly comfortable blogging about this subject. I know I am going to get a lot of questions from my friends about the person in this blog. A very select few will know who it is, and some may be able to figure it out. But this is a blog challenge, so I'm going to go for it and speak about what's really on my mind.
I have a friend, who I would say is somewhat close to me (I know she believes we are closer friends than I do). I am going to refer to this friend as "Female X." I have known Female X for more than 10 years. My first impression of her was not good from the start, and I never really forgot that.
Female X is what I consider a toxic bachelorette. She goes through guys faster than anyone else I know. She gets emotionally and sexually attached very quickly. When I mean quickly, I mean within a week or two, which sometimes is how long the dating/relationship lasts. So my other friends and I have had to deal with countless occurrences where she felt heartbroken and we would have to cheer her up and encourage her that the right man is out there somewhere.
Going out with Female X socially is an adventure, to say the least. All she wants to do is guy hunt or invite guys that she likes to hang out with us. She seems to be the type of person that NEEDS to have a guy in her life to make things worthwhile. I personally don't recall a time where she just stopped and took time for herself. She is in desperate need of time to herself (by choice, not by default) so she can work on some self discovery. If she doesn't do this, she will never be able to know what she truly wants in her personal and romantic life.
The personal drama that Female X creates in her life is exhausting. That's why I feel that if I just let her out of my life, I would have better peace of mind. Just the simple fact of her being a toxic bachelorette bugs me, since if I am ever out with her, people could associate her with me. I don't need that kind of association in my life.
So, to Female X.... if you don't get yourself together and work on some self-discovery, you are going to lose me as a friend. I've dealt with your dramas long enough and if I have to sever ties with you, I won't regret it. Good luck.
I have a friend, who I would say is somewhat close to me (I know she believes we are closer friends than I do). I am going to refer to this friend as "Female X." I have known Female X for more than 10 years. My first impression of her was not good from the start, and I never really forgot that.
Female X is what I consider a toxic bachelorette. She goes through guys faster than anyone else I know. She gets emotionally and sexually attached very quickly. When I mean quickly, I mean within a week or two, which sometimes is how long the dating/relationship lasts. So my other friends and I have had to deal with countless occurrences where she felt heartbroken and we would have to cheer her up and encourage her that the right man is out there somewhere.
Going out with Female X socially is an adventure, to say the least. All she wants to do is guy hunt or invite guys that she likes to hang out with us. She seems to be the type of person that NEEDS to have a guy in her life to make things worthwhile. I personally don't recall a time where she just stopped and took time for herself. She is in desperate need of time to herself (by choice, not by default) so she can work on some self discovery. If she doesn't do this, she will never be able to know what she truly wants in her personal and romantic life.
The personal drama that Female X creates in her life is exhausting. That's why I feel that if I just let her out of my life, I would have better peace of mind. Just the simple fact of her being a toxic bachelorette bugs me, since if I am ever out with her, people could associate her with me. I don't need that kind of association in my life.
So, to Female X.... if you don't get yourself together and work on some self-discovery, you are going to lose me as a friend. I've dealt with your dramas long enough and if I have to sever ties with you, I won't regret it. Good luck.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Day 9- Someone You Didn't Want to Let Go, But Just Drifted
When I was 12, I moved from Grandview to Lee's Summit. Even though the move was only 4.5 miles away, it was a big enough of a change for me to lose touch will all my friends from elementary school. Yes, a few of them also moved to Lee's Summit, which was exciting, but there's a few of them that I had wished I hadn't lost touch with. Facebook has helped me reconnect with essentially everyone, except for one person that I've been trying to find for over a year.
Greg DeVore and I first met in preschool; he and I were in the same class, with a few others that would go with us to Meadowmere Elementary. Around 4th grade, Greg and I really became good friends. We sat next to each other in class, we borrowed each others books, played together during recess, and hung out at each other's houses (which were only a couple streets away from each other). I remember the first time that Greg came over, I was nervous in that "I have a crush on you" kind of way (even though back then I wasn't 100% sure that's what I was feeling). We had a blast, and I remember walking with him down the street when he had to go home.
In 5th and 6th grade, Greg and I had different teachers so we didn't hang out as much. Then there was the fact that my parents decided to move out of Grandview. So, needless to say, we lost touch with each other.
When I was in high school, I found out that Greg's mom (who used to work with my mom for years) had left their family. I felt completely heartbroken. Not long after, I found his phone number and called him. We didn't talk much, since he had friends over, but I wished we would have kept in contact. He was one of those guys that if I didn't move out of Grandview, it would have been very likely that Greg would have been my first boyfriend.
I'm still going to look for him... and maybe someday I will track him down. I'd just like to know what he's been up to and catch up. So if anyone that reads this that has any connections to Greg... please share!!!
Greg DeVore and I first met in preschool; he and I were in the same class, with a few others that would go with us to Meadowmere Elementary. Around 4th grade, Greg and I really became good friends. We sat next to each other in class, we borrowed each others books, played together during recess, and hung out at each other's houses (which were only a couple streets away from each other). I remember the first time that Greg came over, I was nervous in that "I have a crush on you" kind of way (even though back then I wasn't 100% sure that's what I was feeling). We had a blast, and I remember walking with him down the street when he had to go home.
In 5th and 6th grade, Greg and I had different teachers so we didn't hang out as much. Then there was the fact that my parents decided to move out of Grandview. So, needless to say, we lost touch with each other.
When I was in high school, I found out that Greg's mom (who used to work with my mom for years) had left their family. I felt completely heartbroken. Not long after, I found his phone number and called him. We didn't talk much, since he had friends over, but I wished we would have kept in contact. He was one of those guys that if I didn't move out of Grandview, it would have been very likely that Greg would have been my first boyfriend.
I'm still going to look for him... and maybe someday I will track him down. I'd just like to know what he's been up to and catch up. So if anyone that reads this that has any connections to Greg... please share!!!
My "List"... And No, It's Not Laminated!!!
Remember this episode from Friends (The One with Frank Jr.)???
Now that I've refreshed your memory with the infamous List... I would like to share who is on mine. I couldn't think of it as quickly as Rachel did with hers, so consider me like Ross on that part. Like it says on the title of this blog... I'm not that much of a geek to laminate mine!
#5- Devon Sawa
I fell for Devon Sawa when I saw the movie Casper for the first time. He was sooo cute and had baby cheeks. Then, in the sixth grade, my friends and I were at a book convention at CMSU (now UCM) and we met Ivy Ruckman, writer of Night of the Twisters. She had worked with Devon since he was in the TV movie based on her book. We were all ecstatic to hear stories about him! Fast forward a few years and I'm still crushing on Devon, but this time it's because of the movie The Final Destination and Eminem's music video for "Stan." He lost the baby cheeks but was still very attractive. He hasn't done much recently (that I've noticed), but if I hear of a movie he's in... be assured that I will see it. :-D
#4- Usher
I just look at that pic and think... Yummy! Usher is a very talented man.. and not just for his music. When I was in high school, I came across a movie called Light It Up. It's about a group of high school teens who end up taking the school's security guard hostage and demand (through the Internet) that they hire their favorite teacher back and improve the conditions of their urban school. Usher is one of the main characters (next to Rosario Dawson) and it proved, to me, that he has longevity in his public lifestyle. Oh, and Usher is a father... and being a parent myself, this makes him even more attractive. As for his music.... any man that can get me on the dance floor is just fine with me!
#3- Adam Lambert
Yes, I am fully aware that he's gay. I don't care, this is my fantasy!!! Besides, he's admitted that if he's tipsy or drunk, he has been known to make out with girls... soooo there's a chance, lol. There's just something about him that's dark and mysterious that makes the attraction very strong. I've had my imagination go wild daydreaming about him and I together (so much that I've actually had dreams with him in it, not all in a sexual manner). This is the one guy on this list that I LUST for the most, and imagining what his tongue could do to me makes me shiver... in a good way! ;-)
#2-David Cook
Oh yes, the Kansas City connection! I knew David was going to go far on Idol when I heard his audition, but I never expected he was going to win. I was so happy that I had tears running down my face. I feel I can relate to him on a pretty personal level. I mean, he and I grew up in the same area (Lee's Summit and Blue Springs are basically next door neighbors, lol), we are the same age (he is only 11 months older than me), and we both have mad love for the Royals. He's also very smart... which intelligence goes a long way with me. He's the one guy on this list that is most attainable to me, and one of these days, I will run into him somewhere here in the city. He's here all the time, visiting family, not to mention that he does own a house here. One day, David, you will meet me!
#1- Jason Segel
Oh, Jason. Dear Jason... so funny, imaginative, cute, REAL. I didn't take much notice of him in Knocked Up, but once I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall... I fell in LOVE! Not only did his role as Peter just touch me with how realistic it was, but he also wrote the script (ah... a fellow writer and his words totally speak to me). My love for him deepened after watching I Love You Man. I also love his physical appearance, for the simple fact that he doesn't have what Hollywood considers a "perfect body." He's got a little extra meat on his bones... which shows me that he's comfortable with himself and doesn't try to fit into someone else's idea of what he "should" look like. Call me weird, but I'm more attracted to guys like that... the ones without a six pack and muscles. I also love how Jason stays in touch with his inner child... so much that he wrote the screenplay for the new Muppet film coming out next year. He is my ultimate celebrity crush and I would be the happiest girl in the world if I ever had the opportunity to meet him... anything beyond that would just be pure bliss!!!
*** Update on November 15, 2010****
Now that you know my top 5, I want to give you a short list of the men that almost made it:
-Seth Rogen
-Kevin Smith
-Timothy Olyphant
-Justin Timberlake
Yep, those guys would be nice to encounter as well ;-)
Now that I've refreshed your memory with the infamous List... I would like to share who is on mine. I couldn't think of it as quickly as Rachel did with hers, so consider me like Ross on that part. Like it says on the title of this blog... I'm not that much of a geek to laminate mine!
#5- Devon Sawa
I fell for Devon Sawa when I saw the movie Casper for the first time. He was sooo cute and had baby cheeks. Then, in the sixth grade, my friends and I were at a book convention at CMSU (now UCM) and we met Ivy Ruckman, writer of Night of the Twisters. She had worked with Devon since he was in the TV movie based on her book. We were all ecstatic to hear stories about him! Fast forward a few years and I'm still crushing on Devon, but this time it's because of the movie The Final Destination and Eminem's music video for "Stan." He lost the baby cheeks but was still very attractive. He hasn't done much recently (that I've noticed), but if I hear of a movie he's in... be assured that I will see it. :-D
#4- Usher
I just look at that pic and think... Yummy! Usher is a very talented man.. and not just for his music. When I was in high school, I came across a movie called Light It Up. It's about a group of high school teens who end up taking the school's security guard hostage and demand (through the Internet) that they hire their favorite teacher back and improve the conditions of their urban school. Usher is one of the main characters (next to Rosario Dawson) and it proved, to me, that he has longevity in his public lifestyle. Oh, and Usher is a father... and being a parent myself, this makes him even more attractive. As for his music.... any man that can get me on the dance floor is just fine with me!
#3- Adam Lambert
Yes, I am fully aware that he's gay. I don't care, this is my fantasy!!! Besides, he's admitted that if he's tipsy or drunk, he has been known to make out with girls... soooo there's a chance, lol. There's just something about him that's dark and mysterious that makes the attraction very strong. I've had my imagination go wild daydreaming about him and I together (so much that I've actually had dreams with him in it, not all in a sexual manner). This is the one guy on this list that I LUST for the most, and imagining what his tongue could do to me makes me shiver... in a good way! ;-)
#2-David Cook
Oh yes, the Kansas City connection! I knew David was going to go far on Idol when I heard his audition, but I never expected he was going to win. I was so happy that I had tears running down my face. I feel I can relate to him on a pretty personal level. I mean, he and I grew up in the same area (Lee's Summit and Blue Springs are basically next door neighbors, lol), we are the same age (he is only 11 months older than me), and we both have mad love for the Royals. He's also very smart... which intelligence goes a long way with me. He's the one guy on this list that is most attainable to me, and one of these days, I will run into him somewhere here in the city. He's here all the time, visiting family, not to mention that he does own a house here. One day, David, you will meet me!
#1- Jason Segel
Oh, Jason. Dear Jason... so funny, imaginative, cute, REAL. I didn't take much notice of him in Knocked Up, but once I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall... I fell in LOVE! Not only did his role as Peter just touch me with how realistic it was, but he also wrote the script (ah... a fellow writer and his words totally speak to me). My love for him deepened after watching I Love You Man. I also love his physical appearance, for the simple fact that he doesn't have what Hollywood considers a "perfect body." He's got a little extra meat on his bones... which shows me that he's comfortable with himself and doesn't try to fit into someone else's idea of what he "should" look like. Call me weird, but I'm more attracted to guys like that... the ones without a six pack and muscles. I also love how Jason stays in touch with his inner child... so much that he wrote the screenplay for the new Muppet film coming out next year. He is my ultimate celebrity crush and I would be the happiest girl in the world if I ever had the opportunity to meet him... anything beyond that would just be pure bliss!!!
*** Update on November 15, 2010****
Now that you know my top 5, I want to give you a short list of the men that almost made it:
-Seth Rogen
-Kevin Smith
-Timothy Olyphant
-Justin Timberlake
Yep, those guys would be nice to encounter as well ;-)
Monday, November 8, 2010
Day 8- Someone Who Made Your Life Hell, or Treated You Like Shit
I'm not going to blog about my ex-husband. Yes, shocking. I actually did that already, but only a select few were given the chance to read it. No, there is someone that made my professional life hell when I worked at The Home Depot, and I still have no idea how it happened. Her name is Marjo.
After working at Home Depot for a year and a half, I was ready to move up the company ladder. I went from a cashier to a service desk associate. When I was training, I was told by management to work with Janelle and not with Marjo. There was nothing wrong with Marjo, it was just the simple fact that Janelle was better at teaching how to do things the right way.
OK, nothing wrong with that. I was getting the hang of working at the desk and getting to know the members of my team better. Marjo and I seemed to get along just fine and we made small chat during the day. But, at some point, it had shifted. It could have been because of how I accomplished things were different than her. Or that I seemed to get stuff done quicker and ended up having a lot of free time to stand around and chat with our coworkers. I really don't know. But she seemed resentful of me.
Marjo got frustrated a lot. She would make snide comments under her breath, aiming them toward me. She would get mad because she thought she was doing all the real work at the desk and I wasn't doing a thing. She got angry at the fact that I seemed to have a better work schedule, and always seemed to get what I wanted when it came to requesting time off (which both of those were out of my control). It reached the point where the tension was felt by other coworkers, even members of management. There were a few times where my coworkers and I were called into the store manager's office to discuss what was going on with Marjo's attitude. It became frustrating at times.
The only reason why the tension/ animosity ended was because I unfortunately did something that cost me my job. If I had still been working there, I don't know how much more of the hostile environment I would have been able to handle. Then again, if I was still with the company, I may have ended up becoming the supervisor over the service desk, inevitably becoming her boss. I really cannot imagine how that would have turned out.
If, for some reason, this blog makes it to her (you never know, it could happen), I never meant for our work relationship to be hostile. I was there to do my job and make a living for my son and myself. I wasn't there to make your job harder, or less enjoyable. I just don't believe I ever did anything to you to make you dislike me so much.
After working at Home Depot for a year and a half, I was ready to move up the company ladder. I went from a cashier to a service desk associate. When I was training, I was told by management to work with Janelle and not with Marjo. There was nothing wrong with Marjo, it was just the simple fact that Janelle was better at teaching how to do things the right way.
OK, nothing wrong with that. I was getting the hang of working at the desk and getting to know the members of my team better. Marjo and I seemed to get along just fine and we made small chat during the day. But, at some point, it had shifted. It could have been because of how I accomplished things were different than her. Or that I seemed to get stuff done quicker and ended up having a lot of free time to stand around and chat with our coworkers. I really don't know. But she seemed resentful of me.
Marjo got frustrated a lot. She would make snide comments under her breath, aiming them toward me. She would get mad because she thought she was doing all the real work at the desk and I wasn't doing a thing. She got angry at the fact that I seemed to have a better work schedule, and always seemed to get what I wanted when it came to requesting time off (which both of those were out of my control). It reached the point where the tension was felt by other coworkers, even members of management. There were a few times where my coworkers and I were called into the store manager's office to discuss what was going on with Marjo's attitude. It became frustrating at times.
The only reason why the tension/ animosity ended was because I unfortunately did something that cost me my job. If I had still been working there, I don't know how much more of the hostile environment I would have been able to handle. Then again, if I was still with the company, I may have ended up becoming the supervisor over the service desk, inevitably becoming her boss. I really cannot imagine how that would have turned out.
If, for some reason, this blog makes it to her (you never know, it could happen), I never meant for our work relationship to be hostile. I was there to do my job and make a living for my son and myself. I wasn't there to make your job harder, or less enjoyable. I just don't believe I ever did anything to you to make you dislike me so much.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Day 7- Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living For
There are some people in this world that I am happy to have in my life. They've helped me become who I am and keep a smile on my face. One person in particular has made the biggest impact, and that's pretty impressive for someone his age.
Yes, I am talking about my son Truman.
Finding out I was pregnant was one of the happiest things that I have experienced. I always wanted to become a parent, even though I didn't exactly plan to be one at the age of twenty. I hoped to have a boy, and could not stop smiling when I noticed a penis in the sonogram. Once he was born, I caught myself doing things that I said I was going to do when I was 11 years old: hold him all the time, constantly peek in on him when he was asleep, and talking to him like he was another adult (no baby talk). I never felt sleep deprived (seriously, I didn't!) and he wasn't much of a cryer (unless he was fighting sleep).
Fast forward to when Truman was 2 years old.... aka. the darkest times of our lives. I tried to protect Truman from the fights that his father and I had. Unfortunately, that didn't always happen. It scares me that witnessing some of those things could have done damage to him. But after all the fighting, Truman was there. He and I would hug each other (crying) and not want to let go. It was comforting to him and I. Once he and I moved out, I knew that Truman was going to be fine. He had my parents and my sister to help keep him the consistently happy little boy that he was raised.
Today, Truman is still a very happy little boy. Of course, like every other kid, he's going to have his moments, but he is essentially a well raised, well mannered kid. If Truman hadn't come into my life, I don't know where I would be or if I would still be alive. Truman was my light in that time of darkness and now, he's everything to me. I'm excited to see what's in store for him in the future!!!
Yes, I am talking about my son Truman.
Finding out I was pregnant was one of the happiest things that I have experienced. I always wanted to become a parent, even though I didn't exactly plan to be one at the age of twenty. I hoped to have a boy, and could not stop smiling when I noticed a penis in the sonogram. Once he was born, I caught myself doing things that I said I was going to do when I was 11 years old: hold him all the time, constantly peek in on him when he was asleep, and talking to him like he was another adult (no baby talk). I never felt sleep deprived (seriously, I didn't!) and he wasn't much of a cryer (unless he was fighting sleep).
Fast forward to when Truman was 2 years old.... aka. the darkest times of our lives. I tried to protect Truman from the fights that his father and I had. Unfortunately, that didn't always happen. It scares me that witnessing some of those things could have done damage to him. But after all the fighting, Truman was there. He and I would hug each other (crying) and not want to let go. It was comforting to him and I. Once he and I moved out, I knew that Truman was going to be fine. He had my parents and my sister to help keep him the consistently happy little boy that he was raised.
Today, Truman is still a very happy little boy. Of course, like every other kid, he's going to have his moments, but he is essentially a well raised, well mannered kid. If Truman hadn't come into my life, I don't know where I would be or if I would still be alive. Truman was my light in that time of darkness and now, he's everything to me. I'm excited to see what's in store for him in the future!!!
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Day 6- Something You Hope You Never Have to Do
When you become a parent, you are in for a rude awakening. When you first meet your child, you don't realize how deeply you fall in love with them, but you do. It's inevitable. A baby instantly has someone that will protect them, guide them, even die for them. You also fear that you will have to experience some really bad things as they grow up, like broken bones or realizing that your child was kidnapped.
One thing that scares me the most about being a parent is the possibility that I may have to bury my child.
My mom's side of the family has experienced this, unfortunately. In October of 1967, my Aunt Brenda was killed in a car accident. Brenda and a male friend were driving around town (she was in the passenger front seat) when another vehicle t-boned them. My aunt was ejected out of the car and died on impact. The man driving the other vehicle had no time to react before the accident. My Mom was 5 years old at the time and my Grandma was pregnant with my Aunt Tammy. From what I understand, it was probably the hardest thing my Grandparents ever had to go through.
I look at my son and fear that something will happen to him that will lead me to having to pick out a coffin. Could he be diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia? Will he slip on the ice and hit his head so hard that he will never wake up from a coma? Will there be a car that doesn't see him crossing the street until it's too late (this one could have happened... he has darted out in a parking lot a time or two, giving me a mini heart attack). It scares me that something unexpected could happen that would take him away from me forever.
You aren't supposed to bury your children, and I hope that I never have to do with with my son, or any other child that I might have in the future. I don't think I would handle it very well. I could see myself spending weeks in my bedroom, avoiding everybody and not going to work. I wouldn't be able to stare into his bedroom without bursting into tears. Things wouldn't be the same for me anymore.
I want my son to outlive me. I want him to grow old and happy with his life. He may only be six years old, but he's got a long life to live as far as I'm concerned.
One thing that scares me the most about being a parent is the possibility that I may have to bury my child.
My mom's side of the family has experienced this, unfortunately. In October of 1967, my Aunt Brenda was killed in a car accident. Brenda and a male friend were driving around town (she was in the passenger front seat) when another vehicle t-boned them. My aunt was ejected out of the car and died on impact. The man driving the other vehicle had no time to react before the accident. My Mom was 5 years old at the time and my Grandma was pregnant with my Aunt Tammy. From what I understand, it was probably the hardest thing my Grandparents ever had to go through.
I look at my son and fear that something will happen to him that will lead me to having to pick out a coffin. Could he be diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia? Will he slip on the ice and hit his head so hard that he will never wake up from a coma? Will there be a car that doesn't see him crossing the street until it's too late (this one could have happened... he has darted out in a parking lot a time or two, giving me a mini heart attack). It scares me that something unexpected could happen that would take him away from me forever.
You aren't supposed to bury your children, and I hope that I never have to do with with my son, or any other child that I might have in the future. I don't think I would handle it very well. I could see myself spending weeks in my bedroom, avoiding everybody and not going to work. I wouldn't be able to stare into his bedroom without bursting into tears. Things wouldn't be the same for me anymore.
I want my son to outlive me. I want him to grow old and happy with his life. He may only be six years old, but he's got a long life to live as far as I'm concerned.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Day 5- Something You Hope to Do In Your Life
I have so many things I want to do in my life, so many aspirations! I even have my own bucket list (and have checked off a few things already).
Here's a few things I hope I get to do or experience in my lifetime:
-Travel all over Europe
-Expand my culinary skills, which includes presentation and decorating
-Have a long, happy marriage
-Learn how to become a bartender
-Own my own house
Now, are you ready for the one thing I hope to do the most???
I want to get back into college. I've already started by filling out the FAFSA a couple months ago. Now I'm working on applying for pell grants (you know, the money you receive that you don't have to pay back).
But that's only part of it.
After I graduate college I wish to find a job that not only will I absolutely love to do, but that it allows me enough freedom to have the kind of lifestyle I want. One where I'm not chained to a desk five days a week. One where I can work from home, or in a coffee shop, or from time to time, work in an office. It's a good thing that my dream job is to be a writer, since it's possible to write anywhere! Technically, I am doing that right now because this blog allows me to write wherever and whenever I want to. The catch is that I'm not getting paid for it. Besides, having a college degree opens me up to related jobs in the field of writing/publications. Who knows what possibilities are out there for me? I don't know all the answers but I'm excited to find out!!!
Here's a few things I hope I get to do or experience in my lifetime:
-Travel all over Europe
-Expand my culinary skills, which includes presentation and decorating
-Have a long, happy marriage
-Learn how to become a bartender
-Own my own house
Now, are you ready for the one thing I hope to do the most???
I want to get back into college. I've already started by filling out the FAFSA a couple months ago. Now I'm working on applying for pell grants (you know, the money you receive that you don't have to pay back).
But that's only part of it.
After I graduate college I wish to find a job that not only will I absolutely love to do, but that it allows me enough freedom to have the kind of lifestyle I want. One where I'm not chained to a desk five days a week. One where I can work from home, or in a coffee shop, or from time to time, work in an office. It's a good thing that my dream job is to be a writer, since it's possible to write anywhere! Technically, I am doing that right now because this blog allows me to write wherever and whenever I want to. The catch is that I'm not getting paid for it. Besides, having a college degree opens me up to related jobs in the field of writing/publications. Who knows what possibilities are out there for me? I don't know all the answers but I'm excited to find out!!!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Day 4- Something You Have to Forgive Someone For
I love my Grandma Savory... some of you have even read about the sacrifices I made to take care of her over the past 2 1/2 years. But there is something that she does that angers me at times, and I need to forgive her for it.
My Grandma has always been about family... nothing wrong with that. Her entire social life revolved around them. So when my Grandpa died in 2006, that really sent a major ripple effect in our family. Our family (immediate and extended) hasn't been the same. We've slowly grown apart and don't spend as much time, which saddens me a little.
Now that she's been in and out of assisted living facilities, she has really been lacking a social life. She doesn't want to interact with the other residents or get involved in any of the many activities that's offered. The only things that she does is watch television, sit in her room, and visit with family. Nothing else. She doesn't even eat in the dining hall. My family and I have been encouraging her to get out and do things, sometimes until we feel we are getting blue in the face.
But I cant blame her either. If I was married to the same person for nearly 60 years and lost him... I can't deny the possibility that I would do the same thing (even though I am a social person in general). So, to my Grandma, please forgive me for getting aggravated at you for not trying to make the most of your current situation. I know that you feel that you are approaching your final days in life, and I just want to see you happier than you have been lately.
My Grandma has always been about family... nothing wrong with that. Her entire social life revolved around them. So when my Grandpa died in 2006, that really sent a major ripple effect in our family. Our family (immediate and extended) hasn't been the same. We've slowly grown apart and don't spend as much time, which saddens me a little.
Now that she's been in and out of assisted living facilities, she has really been lacking a social life. She doesn't want to interact with the other residents or get involved in any of the many activities that's offered. The only things that she does is watch television, sit in her room, and visit with family. Nothing else. She doesn't even eat in the dining hall. My family and I have been encouraging her to get out and do things, sometimes until we feel we are getting blue in the face.
But I cant blame her either. If I was married to the same person for nearly 60 years and lost him... I can't deny the possibility that I would do the same thing (even though I am a social person in general). So, to my Grandma, please forgive me for getting aggravated at you for not trying to make the most of your current situation. I know that you feel that you are approaching your final days in life, and I just want to see you happier than you have been lately.
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