Friday, August 27, 2010

Things I learned from Watching Movies

-A Bolt of lightning generates 1.21 gigawatts of power.

-If a man named Jules starts quoting Ezekiel 25:17 with a gun aimed at you... consider that your last rites.

-When it comes down to the last few seconds in choosing to cut the red wire or the blue (sometimes black) wire, the person usually gets it correct (and I always forget which one it is, lol)

-Roofies make Bachelor parties forgettable and unforgettable at the same time.

-If you are teamed up with someone you truly hate in the professional world, you will eventually fall in love with that person.

-I can get videos "Sweded."

-Walmart isn't just a place to shop. You can live there, have a baby, seek out employment, and get married.

-You Dont F**k with people who handle your food.

-If you want to go to a high school where everyone breaks into song and can dance, I would suggest Rydell High in California or East High in Arizona.

-Getting rid of baby batter before a big date helps with the nerves.

-You can work at a fashion magazine without having a sense of fashion. This will change with time.

-Watching a lot of horror/slasher movies makes you an expert on surviving a horror film, especially if you work at a video store.

-Toys come to life when you are not around.

-If you decide to book a beastiality act for a going away party, be sure the website has pics. Especially if the person performing said act has a gender neutral name.

-A bag of groceries will always have some sort of fresh bread sticking out of the bag.

-Dont piss off a gay travel agency representative, otherwise he will put you on a gay cruise knowing that you are straight.

-You can take fat from liposuction and turn it into pricey bars of soap.

-Porn doesn't happen on twin sized beds, not even full ones in most cases. And you don't see a million knick knacks all over the bedroom/ bathroom/ stairs/ outside. Ruins the fantasy.

-If in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, always keep up on your cardio, double tap, and double check the backseat of a vehicle before driving.

-Crimes are only solved if one of two things happen: You get partnered with someone least like you (personality wise) or you are placed on probation/ suspension.

-You may be able to fake being mentally challenged well, but the people who are actually mentally challenged will see right through you.

-To go from loser to most popular in high school is actually pretty easy. If you are an undercover reporter, all you need is your sibling to enroll at the same school or you need to have a friend in prison that will teach you how to walk the walk.

-Mrs. Lovett's meat pies are truly unique in taste.

-Beware of extremely attractive, accented individuals inviting you to stay in hostels in Eastern Europe; they entice you with alcohol and sex before they turn you over to an Elite Hunting Club.


  1. Gotta love the double tap! Zombieland is a great movie. =)

  2. Here's a couple important ones you missed...

    - Don't Fuck with Milton or his stapler!

    - Always buy a squirrel from the crazy lady in the country you stop to ask directions from.

    - The main theme song for The Sound of Music was actually written years earlier in a Parisian flop house.

    - Don't feed the plant!