Monday, September 27, 2010

Tanning is Awkward

Celsius Tannery is my go-to place right now. My sister is getting married in less than 2 weeks and I need to get rid of my farmers tan. I'm not a "fake baker" but I am more than happy to do this to look good in my strapless dress.

However, the awkwardness crept up pretty quick.

The first time I went (last Friday), I went in for six minutes. It was just a normal tanning bed... florescent bulbs above and underneath you. As many of you know, I am not skinny. So the part of the bed that you lay on sometimes settles under my weight. Every time I heard the bed shift under me, I had a mini heart attack. It wasn't just about my weight. It was also about a stupid movie.... Final Desination 3. For those who havent seen the movie, there is a scene where two of the girls meet their doom inside a tanning bed. The room gets way too hot (the girl's fault) and the glass breaks, causing them severe burning and their eventual death. So this mini heart attack is a reminder of that very scene. What would have made me jump out of the bed and run is if the song "Love Rollercoaster" played on the radio.

Other than that, it was a normal tanning experience.

Then, tonight happens....

Mom tells me to go use the high pressure bed so I can get my tan done faster and get instant results. And this tanning bed has you sit on a mattress. Ah... sounds like something I'm going to really like. I get in my room and instantly love it. I get all cozied on the mattress and get ready to lower the top of the bed. Hmm... it doesnt move. Maybe it will lower as soon as the timer starts.


So I say screw it and do my 15 minutes on my back, then my 15 on my stomach. Holy crap! That tanning bed is extremely hot! It made me think of the part in Breaking Dawn (yes I made a Twilight reference, back off!) where Bella is going through her transformation... the fire hot pain she had to endure. Yep, I can totally relate now.

While I was laying on my stomach, I got extremely relaxed... enough to nod off at least 3 or 4 times (pretty impressive in a 15 minute time span). So when my session was over, I got off the mattress and looked at the mirror to see how much I tanned.


My front and back are tanned, but not my sides.

Oh... what's that on the inside of the tanning bed??? Up and down buttons. I try them. Oops... that's what I was supposed to do to lower the bed closer to me. Guess I'll be going back tomorrow to fix my error.

Wow.... do I feel stupid.


  1. The regular beds make noises like they're going to crack when I'm in one too. It's just the heat, not weight.

  2. I agree with Keri. I used to tan all the time. Before I was heavy and the beds creaked under my weight as well. I think it's probably just laying on the plexi glass stuff. I can see where you were freaked out though. I've never seen that movie but have had similar experiences after I saw disturbing scenes in movies.

    Funny story about not seeing the lever thing. I guess go back and lay on your sides! LOL