Monday, November 1, 2010

Day 1- Something You Hate About Yourself

Before I go into this blog, I need to say something. Hate is a very strong word and I do not normally use it. So for me to really hate something about myself is not really that possible, but there are several things that I express with great animosity.

There are a few things that I dislike about myself. Since I was born a Scorpio, I am, by nature, a jealous and stubborn person. I can deal with that since I am not known for either of those things, and when I get that way, it's pretty mild. I have blogged before about my weight/body issues, so why do another one like that? Maybe about the fact that I get road rage over stupid drivers??? I could, but sometimes I enjoy that, hehe.

There is something that really stands out that I dislike though, and it's pretty disturbing...

Let's say that I'm driving down the highway. I'll have the music on as I'm making my way toward whatever destination I am headed toward. Then, I will imagine that the two cars in front of me violently crash into each other, causing chaos on the highway. I make a very rash decision and swerve like crazy to avoid being part of the pileup.

I imagine scenarios like this a lot.

Actually, that one is pretty mild. I've imagined getting a phone call that my ex-husband died in a fire. I've also pictured, when going down windy roads, a huge buck run in front of my Jeep and I have no time to avoid the impact. Or where my parents are killed and I inherit their house, which I turn around and move into their bedroom and redecorate every room to my personal tastes. A few nights ago, driving home from seeing Saw 3D, I imagined someone hiding in the back of my Jeep, waiting for the right opportunity to kidnap me (yes, in a cloak and a boar's head mask).

I'm not exactly proud that my mind thinks these things, but it makes me wonder if that's part of being human... vividly imagining worst case scenarios happening to you and/or your loved ones. I wonder if anyone else imagines things like this too, or am I really just a dark and twisted person? Do others get into graphic detail about these scenarios? I hope I'm not alone in this...


  1. NO! I do it too! That either makes us both normal or morbid. I'm not sure which. I'm actually more twisted about my EX. I haven't thought this in awhile but I used to picture getting a call that he did one too many drugs or smoked one too many cancer sticks and either OD'd or got some incurable disease. Perhaps a bad accident. I've sort of tried to let that go because I know it's not a nice thing to think but he's a douche. I can't help it. I'm not even like that and I haven't ever thought that about another person.. only him. It makes me feel bad though.

  2. Oh, I had some pretty effed up scenarios about Brian too. It's not just you :-)

  3. I do this a lot too. Sometime I have trouble going to sleep at night because my mind is going through some scenario thats awful. I was always figured it was just me because I've seen/been through a lot of horrible stuff. but I guess not. Thats one of the reasons why I don't like seeing horror movies. I have enough to be scared about and I hate reliving it and I always do when I watch things that are scary. I don't see the point in being scared. I have enough real scary stuff in my own life.

  4. I do this too. It's become a lot worse now I have kids. Occasionally I lie there at night, unable to stop myself making up horrible scenarios.

    All part of being a loving human it seems. Thanks for sharing. I feel I am less unusual than I thought!

  5. Hi, Casey. Still catching up on your blog (which is fascinating, btw).

    Personally, I've had times in my life where I vividly imagined tripping a person on the sidewalk and repeatedly bashing their head into the cement. I, too, am nauseated that these thoughts could enter my head. These sorts of fantasies (I understand) are normal. It's acting out on them which is not.